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Johanna expects Enobaria to take a while to return, since she said she was going to walk around the newly freed Capitol, but she doesn't expect Enobaria to return an hour later with wine-stained lips and Haymitch beside her.
Johanna would be unprepared to see Haymitch regardless, but her shirt is hiked up to check for blood leaking through the bandages wrapped around her abdomen, and she's in an awkward, rigid position, because something about looking down triggers the nerve pain that never seems to go away, and the blasts from the bombs have only exacerbated it. "Here," Enobaria says, handing her the tin of morphling before she can even comprehend Haymitch's presence. He moves over to check on Katniss, same as it ever was, and she finds she really doesn't mind, she wants a moment with Enobaria anyways.
What she doesn't expect is for Enobaria to lean forward and kiss her, as if they've been girlfriends for years, and it is a delayed sort of understanding that makes her realize that Snow is no longer in power, their titles as Hunger Games Victors mean nothing now, they can have a relationship and they don't have to hide it. She grabs at Enobaria's shoulder and pulls her back for another kiss before she pushes morphling up into her gums.
"It looks better today," Enobaria says, inspecting the bandages and settling Johanna's shirt back around them.
"Yeah, since I've sat still doing nothing," she says. It's so dull to be back in the infirmary. She feels stuck - first in the prison, then here, then in the chambers with Enobaria, and now back here, months and months of being still, of inaction while the world was changing around her. Beside her, Katniss still hasn't moved from her side, laying there in silence, not even answering Johanna's attempts at conversation anymore. She was told Peeta would be here today, but instead she is surprised by Haymitch.
"You'll be moving soon enough," Enobaria says. "Then we can finally get out of the Capitol."
She wonders about Enobaria's burns, about how much Enobaria is disobeying her advice to stay still and stay in bed, but she doesn't ask. Enobaria saved her life, Enobaria is older and stronger, and well, she got into this mess due to the rebels including Johanna in the first place. Johanna isn't going to keep her from her first taste of freedom. Haymitch seems content with assessing that Katniss will live, and seems to get little more out of her than Johanna has, for he comes and sits in the chair on the opposite side of her bed as Enobaria. She wants to turn away but resists, afraid of the pain from repositioning, or from tearing open the wound.
"Thank you," he says.
She can feel the tears forming and she tries to hold them back, staring at the wall straight ahead, not daring to turn towards him. "I did what I said I would," she says, and it comes out both spiteful and hurt.
"I know. You did splendidly."
The tears fall freely now, she can't stop them. Enobaria grabs her hand and Johanna squeezes, her knuckles turning white. "I saved the two from District 3. I got Katniss to the end. I pulled out her tracker. I… I brought Enobaria away from Katniss-"
Haymitch nods. "It was perfect."
Johanna wipes at her eyes, trying to meet his gaze. "Why did you leave us behind?" she asks. "In the arena, in the prison?" She can feel Enobaria squeezing her hand back and rubs her thumb over the back of her hand.
"Because even we, the rebels, are very fallible," he says. "Better than Snow, certainly, but we've made many mistakes." Behind him, for the first time, Johanna sees Katniss shift.
"You bombed the Nut," she says. "Those were people's families. Enobaria's family was in there." Johanna can feel Enobaria's nails digging into the back of her hand. She doesn't mind. Enobaria could tear her open and she'd still say her piece.
Haymitch nods. He doesn't say 'it wasn't my decision', even though Johanna doubts it was. "There aren't a lot of ways to end a war without killing anyone," he says. "Now we're going to have to live with that."
Johanna wonders if she could have done it. If she had never grown close with Enobaria, then perhaps bombing the Nut would have been fine. If the rebels could have even justified bombing the children of the Capitol to her. But she did, and so they can't. The question of if it's worth it hangs in the air, but it's still too early, the smoke hasn't cleared to reveal a new Panem yet. "I don't think I want to see you again," Johanna says, "Once this is all settled."
And it's a lie, because she does. Because even after he left her behind, twice, she craves recognition and acceptance from Haymitch. She wants to be told she did a good job. So she has no choice but to lie, to tear herself away and never look back, because he is no good for her, and their relationship has only led her into hell. "Okay." He accepts this gracefully. "I will go back to 12. We don't have to meet again."
It feels like her heart is ripping out of her chest. She has so few people that matter to her, Enobaria, Finnick, and Haymitch perhaps the only ones left. And Finnick is going to go back to 4 with his wife, and she's forcing Haymitch away. Enobaria lets go of her hand and runs her fingers through her hair instead, a comforting touch.
Peeta arrives that evening, or maybe he's been in the Capitol, but he comes to the infirmary just as the sun is setting. Interestingly, he moves to Johanna and Enobaria before Katniss. "You're here! You're alive!" he says, with true joy in his smile. Johanna can't help but smile back.
"We're here," she says, "Never left the damn Capitol, got to be prisoners for the whole damn war."
His smile fades and he looks them over, assessing for damage, most likely. "How are you?"
Enobaria shrugs. "This is from the bombs," she says, gesturing at the bandages. "They let us out of that hole soon after the rebels grabbed you."
He sighs. "Once I was in my right mind, I tried to tell them to go back, that you were still being held prisoner. But Coin does what she wants."
Johanna assumes 'Coin' is the leader of the rebels. "I'm glad you're alright, Peeta," she says.
He turns toward Katniss, who is on her back, staring at the ceiling. Her chest is burned, along with her forearms, all wrapped up with some salve underneath, and she still doesn't do much but call for more morphling. "Katniss, we did it," he says. "It's over."
She barely reacts.
It's the next day when the execution is to take place, and Johanna and Enobaria are pushed onto a stage along with Haymitch, Peeta, Finnick, and the other two living Victors: Beetee and Annie. Johanna can see the pregnant swell of Annie's stomach and is barely even surprised, of course Finnick would waste no time in starting his family. She finds she can't really dredge up any emotions about this revelation, there's no jealousy or sadness or anger that can fit among the pure adrenaline that is coursing in her veins in anticipation of watching Snow finally die.
Snow had asked her to kill him, all those months ago. She thinks, now, that this was perhaps a manipulation tactic to keep Katniss from doing it, to confuse Panem. What if it wasn't the Mockingjay who killed Snow, but someone else? Would that chaos be enough to disrupt the rebel cause? It's fine, she realizes. She's had no part in this war since the Quarter Quell. Who is she to step in at the end and strike the final blow? Her head hurts, her stomach hurts, and it's too much, to be standing here next to Haymitch, near the happy couple of Finnick and Annie, in front of hundreds of people celebrating something that she's not entirely sure is a good thing.
"That's her, Coin," Enobaria says. Her arm is across Johanna's back, and she nods up at a nearby balcony. The woman looks strict, with a military-like demeanor, like kind of cut-throat woman who would justify bombing a military facility to win over a District in the war. But children? Her own Districts' medics?
Johanna sees Snow for the first time in weeks, brought up onto the stage for his execution. He looks frail, and she believes that he wasn't lying when he said he was at the end of his natural life. He catches her eye and seems to communicate something that she can't quite understand, something like: I told you, or here we go again.
Katniss steps forward, her shoulders a little slumped, but her outfit covering the bandages from the burns, her demeanor once again transformed back into the Mockingjay. One final task until she is retired, before she can go back to normal citizen and mourn her dead sister in private. Coin steps forward, says a few words about the new Panem, about ushering in a new era, and then Katniss is given a bow and arrow, aims at Snow, and then at the last second, raises it, striking true, hitting Coin right in the heart.
There's a smile of amusement on Snow's face, as if he saw this coming. Perhaps he did. And she can see him, slinking away now, off to get some fancy blood transfusion or some antidote that will bring him back to full health, ready to rule Panem again. She tries to run forward, to go to him, to make sure he's killed before he has a chance to escape, but Enobaria holds onto her. "No! They'll kill you!" she says.
And Johanna understands Katniss's desperation to get away from Finnick during the bombing at the mansion, she wants to claw or kick Enobaria. She needs Snow to die, she needs him to stop breathing. But there's a second set of arms around her, Finnick now, and he's too strong, and she's immobilized, she's being dragged backwards. "Fuck you!" she calls, trying to bite at him, cursing her own weakness.
Eventually, she is forced to give in, to run with Enobaria, Finnick, and Annie towards the mansion, to get away from the stampeding crowds, the Peacekeepers and District 13 soldiers who have their weapons out trying to keep the situation from devolving, and she loses track of Snow, Haymitch, and Katniss. Her wound tears open at some point, and she can feel the bloodstain growing, moistening her shirt and the waistband of her pants. Once they get inside and Finnick turns to check on Annie, Enobaria shoves her, perhaps harder than Enobaria has ever pushed her outside of the arena. "What the hell was that?" she asks. Johanna's shoulder hits the wall of the mansion foyer, but the pain doesn't even register, because she can see tears in Enobaria's eyes, fear that she put there.
"I-"
"We're so close, Jo. We're a day away from leaving here forever, and you're trying to get yourself killed or thrown in prison. Why?" She steps back in, her grip tight on Johanna's shoulders, but it's not violent, just a check, Johanna realizes, to make sure she's still there, still safe and whole.
"Hey," Finnick cuts in, a little less confident than usual. He's wearing an eyepatch now, but he's his handsome self, dressed up for the cameras. "We're all safe, let's calm down."
Enobaria nods, reassuring herself.
Johanna grabs her hands and tries for an apologetic smile. She thinks it fails. She pulls up her shirt, checking the bleeding. All things considered, it's not bad, but she does need to change the bandages. They show Finnick and Annie to the room they used to sleep in and go back to the infirmary, bringing a bottle of wine with them.
"Enobaria, I'm sorry. He got in my head." Johanna sits on one of the cots while Enobaria cleans the wound and rewraps the bandages, pausing here and there to sip the pink wine.
"I'm sorry for my reaction, I just… I want us to get out of the Capitol."
They've never spoken about where. There's never been a true hope in Johanna's mind that the war would success, or that they'd both survive it. She didn't want to let herself hope. "Where are we going?" she asks now, finally allowing a trickle of hope.
"District 2 first," Enobaria says, as if she's planned this already ages ago. Johanna wouldn't be surprised if she did. "I need to check on my family. Even if they're all dead, I need to know."
Johanna nods. This makes sense. District 2 borders the Capitol anyways, so even if the railroads aren't fully running, it should be possible to get there.
"Then… wherever. District 7, if you want to go. Somewhere else if you don't. Or if we like it… we could stay in 2."
Johanna's family is dead. Blight is dead. She misses the trees, she thinks. Misses being in a place where she can run for miles and not see another person. But she's not in a rush to get back there. "Ok," she agrees.
Enobaria ties off the bandages and hands Johanna the wine. She takes a long sip, then hands it back and lays back on the cot. They're alone now, everyone out figuring out the chaos of the execution or busy with their own lives and plans. It's nice to be forgotten. She could get used to this. Enobaria lays on her side beside Johanna on the cot, and Johanna studies the dark brown of her eyes, the slope of her nose, the curve of her lips, and the perfect slant of her cheekbones. What a waste to put her in a death game, and twice, she thinks.
Her eyes flutter shut as Enobaria moves a hand to her hip, fingers stroking softly along her inner thigh. She's tense, something in her unfulfilled seeing Snow slink away, she needs release. "Please touch me."
Enobaria's hand slips under her waistband, into her panties, and then stills, forcing Johanna to shift against her to get some friction, to try to create for herself. "Be patient," Enobaria hums in her ear, and Johanna is annoyed with how amused she sounds, almost proud of herself. Johanna is wet, she can tell, and Enobaria curls her fingers to bring some of that moisture up to Johanna's clit and she almost jumps.
"I can't wait to do this every night," Enobaria says, her fingers slipping inside. "Maybe twice." Her words cause Johanna to close her eyes again, to imagine the two of them in a timeless space, no war, no hospitals, no one holding them anywhere they don't want to be. And she's brought back to the present again as Enobaria speeds up, her fingers pumping in and out, her other hand slipping up Johanna's shirt to pinch at her nipple. She moans, it's impossible to stay silent now. She can feel herself approaching her limit, Enobaria is relentless and encompassing. And her thumb strokes Johanna's clit once, twice, three times as she pushes her fingers in and out, and Johanna is over the crest, her back arching up, her thighs squeezing shut.
Enobaria continues on still, her pace gentler, until Johanna has to push her hand away. "No more, please," she says, and Enobaria obeys, but leans down to kiss her now instead. She wonders if she has the stamina for Enobaria, once they're both back at full strength. It's incentive for her to exercise once again, at least. Enobaria rests her head on Johanna's shoulder, both of them tucking into the undersized cot in the now too-familiar infirmary. "First thing we do in District 2 is get a decent sized bed," Johanna decides, sleep coming for her quickly now.
"Oh, we're just getting one bed?" Enobaria teases, her fingers still going now, tracing lines on Johanna's forearm.
"Two beds is a waste, you're in my bed every night."
"Oh, you're just being practical."
Johanna nods. There's so much more she can say: about her feelings toward Enobaria, about their plans for the future, but for the first time, she is certain she'll have time, so as Enobaria's breath slows down into sleep, she lets herself grow sleepy too, knowing they can handle the rest tomorrow.