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Cashmere doesn't know why she took the morphling the night before. Why had she been such an idiot? She should have just found a trank, like she was looking for in the first place, or just slept off her misery like she's been doing for years.
But instead she'd taken the same fucking thing Seneca Crane took before he died, she'd slept in Johanna fucking Mason's bed in a bout of paranoia that she's embarrassed to even think about now, in the light of day, and she's feeling the comedown horribly this morning, despite only taking a small dose.
The afterburners don't even touch this, she realizes, and she can barely make it through Remake because her hair feels so sensitive and the lights are so bright, but she knows she can't skip today of all days because she and Johanna have to be on television to commentate with Caesar, to watch the bloodbath in real time.
She goes to the mentor's lounge before getting the cab to the studio a couple buildings over, just to let Gloss know she should be back in about 6 hours. Not that she'll want to sit in the booth then, she'll just want to sleep, but the first 48 hours of the Games don't give anyone that grace. She can commentate, then she can sit in the booth, then she can go court sponsors, and then repeat it all.
"Seriously? If they were going to recruit you for this bullshit, they should have let us bring Chrome for a second actual mentor."
Cashmere doesn't disagree, in fact, she would love it if someone else would just take over minding the tributes, but Gloss doesn't know about Seneca Crane, can't know about Seneca Crane, so she just gives him the usual 'it's the Capitol, what can we do about it?' shrug.
She rides to the studio with Johanna, who is silent but watches her with an expression that borders on concerned. She supposes she was out of character last night, and she supposes that if Johanna suspects she took the morphling, she would understand better than most what the comedown is like. But Cashmere still hates it. She hates pity from anyone, but especially from Johanna, who is objectively more pitiable than she is.
They sit with Caesar same as they have for the last events, but this time it feels real, because this time the tributes are in the tubes, being transported to the launch pads. Cashmere spots her own two, and then quickly identifies the tributes from 2 as well. She sees Johanna's pathetic tribute, undersized with paper-white hair and eyes that looked almost red. There are a couple tributes she thinks have a shot from the outer districts: the boy from 10 looks hearty, and there's a girl from 11 who has a determination that reminds Cashmere of Enobaria. The 4's look out of their element as the arena is revealed: a broken, deserted city, almost desert-like in appearance.
Caesar chatters happily, introducing everyone and pointing out details of the arena. He mentions Cashmere and Johanna's arenas, and they are pulled into the conversation as well. Normally, Cashmere does better at this than Johanna, but today, she is lagging, her stomach feeling sick and her eyes being dragged back to that blind 7 girl.
When the Games begin, there's a mad dash for the Cornucopia. It's in an open area of packed dirt, and the 11 girl is one of the first to arrive. She grabs a blade and stabs one of the District 4 tributes, grabs a backpack, and runs off. The 2 boy also grabs a backpack, then a machete. He links up with his district partner, and they decide to go the opposite way, towards an outcropping of buildings. He sees the 7 girl and stops, swings hard, nearly takes her head off, and she is dead, lying bleeding on the dirt as he runs away. Cashmere knows it was prearranged, knows it is best, in a way, but she has to stop herself from retching.
"You knew her?" Caesar asks, Johanna, somber in tone, but it feels impertinent nonetheless. Cashmere wonders if Johanna prepped for this, look a bunch of euphoria or something.
She nods. "Autumn was a very kind girl, and the pride of her father's life."
Johanna is saved from saying more as the action continues, and the 8 boy and the 5 girl are fighting over a water jug. When all is said and done, the initial bloodbath leaves 5 dead, and another two die from mutt attacks before they leave the booth that afternoon. Cashmere has begun to feel better at that point, mostly by drinking ice water and eating cracker packets during the commercial breaks.
But when she gathers her things to go back to the Training Center, one of the production assistants stops her. "I've got a message requesting you to stop by the 8th floor before you leave," she says. They're in a towering building, there could be dozens of different businesses and activities happening on every floor, so she has no idea what this could be. Perhaps something for her modeling? Though that didn't usually pick up until the Games were over.
"Want me to come?" This is Johanna, who had apparently overheard this.
"What? No, I don't need an imp like you following me around."
"I'll wait here," Johanna says, and only then does Cashmere wonder if this is a trap. Because they're so close to the Training Center, it was a two-minute drive. Was Johanna just waiting to be sure Cashmere came back? Was she still just concerned because she looked like shit earlier? One of the assistants offers a green room Johanna can wait in, and she sits there while the broadcast continues, and Cashmere goes to the elevator.
When she gets out at the 8th floor, Cashmere doesn't see anyone at first, but she can hear the sounds of mingling down the hall, the low rumble of voices and the tinkling of glassware. She walks in that direction, and before she can see who it is, she is face to face with President Snow who had been waiting in the hallway. He grins, and it is too red, too brilliant. "Perfect, I was hoping you could join us."
"What is this?"
His smile doesn't fade, but she thinks he looks a bit taxed in his expression, something in his eyes and forehead. "We have guests, two people from a foreign land. They're uninvited, and incredibly meddlesome. I've asked you here to please inform them that everything in Panem is copacetic, that there are no concerns."
"I understand." She doesn't understand at all, but she's used to working with very little information.
"I'm glad. You've always been reliable. He nods at a guard who steps out of the shadows, and hands over a tablet. On it, Cashmere can see a woman in a prison cell and then the camera changes, and she can see Johanna, sipping a coffee and sitting in the room downstairs. "Please oblige me here, or the pilot from the other day, and your cohost might have a little accident."
She can feel herself sweating as she enters the room. There are a smattering of people she recognizes there, Capitolites on various councils, some Games sponsors, and others she doesn't know by name. It's obviously a private reception for the beginning of the Games, taking place in this conservatory-like room, with two walls of glass and plants growing throughout. There are abundant snacks and drinks, and servants paying close attention to everyone's needs. She sees the two foreigners right away, a tall blonde woman with a strict, educated look to her, and a shorter man with round glasses and a beard.
She walks up to the woman and puts on the smile she usually uses to charm people. "President Snow said you're from a foreign country? My name is Cashmere, I'm a victor from District 1."
The woman nods curtly and gives Cashmere a tentative smile. "My name is Serena," she says. "So… you've… won these Games?" She nods up at the projection on the wall, where the Games are currently being shown.
Cashmere nods. It feels strange to be at a Capitol party and for someone to not understand who she is. "I won in 64."
"And now it's 73?"
Cashmere blinks at the strange question. This woman isn't sure of the year? She nods.
"I… A woman and man came here from my country without permission, and my job is to get them back. Have you seen them?"
She is sure that the woman on the tablet in the prison was the woman in question, but she is also sure Snow wouldn't want her to volunteer any information. "I haven't, I'm sorry."
Serena shakes her head. "It's alright, I'm sure they keep things from you."
From over Serena's shoulder, Cashmere can see Snow, talking with the education secretary. She can smell his sickly sweet scent. "Yes, I'm only in the Capitol during the Games. Otherwise I live in District 1."
Serena nods, as if this is important, useful information. "And… are you alright? Do they make you do things you don't want?"
She sees now why Snow picked her for this task. She had volunteered for the Games, she couldn't really say she didn't want to participate. But did she want to sleep with Capitolites for sponsor money? Did she want to end up in schemes like this? Did she want to know that her answers here might cost people their lives? "Of course I'm alright," she says, because she wants that woman to live, even if she's a fucking rebel, and Johanna Mason can get her own self killed, that won't be on Cashmere's hands. "Everything I do is out of my own free will."
Serena glances around, to see if anyone is listening in, but there is some sort of clash in the Games, so all eyes are fixed on the projection. "Is someone threatening you?"
She is smart, then. She is learning quickly how things work in Panem. But Cashmere has played this game for years. She smiles blithely, shaking her head. "No, nothing like that. I hope you can get your people home."
When she leaves the party, she is directed right back to a car. She doesn't meet up with Johanna again. And then it's back to the booth, right into the fray to relieve Gloss and try to help keep her tributes from dying.