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Haruka comes home late, and she looks tired, but her shoulders don't have the same tightness she'd been carrying since the night before.
"Welcome home," Kaori says.
"I'm back." Then, once she walks into the kitchen properly, Haruka adds, "I apologized to Asuka."
Kaori hums in acknowledgement, not sure exactly how to answer this. What had happened last night was unexpected, something she was unprepared for. She loves Haruka, and she loves Asuka too. "What happened?" she asks.
The rice cooker is on with vegetables steaming in it as well, she just needs to cook the fish a few minutes before the timer goes off. They have some time to talk. Haruka shrugs, settling down into the chair at the counter, the same one where they had been eating the night before. "I just told her I was out of line, and I was. I just hate when she's so dismissive of you."
"What did she say?" Kaori asks. She can't get answers from Asuka, of course, so getting them from Haruka is the next best thing.
"Did you know her dad plays euphonium?" Haruka asks.
It feels like a complete change in the conversation, and Kaori struggles to keep up. She nods. "Masakazu Shindou-san," she supplies.
"Wait, she told you?"
Kaori shakes her head. "Masakazu-san recruited Asuka for her first orchestra in Hong Kong. I watched several interviews with him, and in one, he mentioned that she was his daughter."
"Wow, I thought I knew how deep you went, but even I underestimated."
Kaori blushes a bit. "What does this have to do with your conversation?"
Haruka shakes her head. "I don't know. Nothing, really. I just think that him leaving really messed Asuka and her mom up."
Kaori thinks about the rumor of Asuka's mother shouting and slapping Asuka in the teacher's room in high school, and thinks about the incident last night. She assumes Haruka is doing the same. "I'm glad you talked about it with her," Kaori says, standing to start the cooking.
Two mornings later, when they both have a day off, Kaori finds an album of photos from her second year at university. She had been digging up the interview of Asuka's father on her hard drive. She clicks the photos instantly, and cringes a little at her outdated outfit, her bad accessories, and her tacky decor in the student apartment.
But that only takes up her focus for a moment. Because three photos in, she sees Haruka, arms wrapped around Kaori's shoulders as they pose, and she wonders if Asuka was holding the camera. And a few photos later it's the three of them, squished on an armchair that really only had space for two, a tangle of limbs, cheeks red from cheap wine, and Asuka's lips pressed against Kaori's cheek. She stares at the photo for a long time, trying to remember the moment.
There are a few more that give her pause, a candid she took of Asuka reading while pacing, a photo of Haruka in an apron covered in flour, and a photo of Asuka and Haruka on Halloween, both of them in silly skeleton suits. She remembers that night, all of them ending up on the couch, watching a scary movie, herself and Haruka drawing closer and closer to Asuka who never seemed to be affected by the jump scares and then at the end she had creeped a finger along the back of Kaori's neck.
She calls Haruka over to look at the photos and Haruka laughs, pointing out the same things Kaori had laughed at - their bad taste, their complete lack of funds - and also some things she hadn't. "I wonder if we were happier then," she says, and then seems to catch herself. "Not that I'm not happy now! We were just so carefree then, and Asuka still seemed like… herself, and-"
Kaori smiles, putting a finger to Haruka's lips to stop her rambling. "I get it," she assures her. "I don't know if we were happier then, but there's no going back now."
Haruka pretends to pout, then leans in to kiss Kaori. "You're right as ever. By the way, we should go see Asuka today, since we have the time."
Something in Kaori shifts, then, perhaps in the way she sees her girlfriend. Haruka never suggested they go see Asuka, Haruka tolerated Asuka or understood Kaori's fondness for her. But Haruka leading the way is new. It makes her happy. "Yes, let's."
They bring bentos for lunch, reasonably sure that Asuka won't have anything prepared. And Asuka is there, bringing some boxes out to the curb when they arrive. "Someone's coming to pick these up today," she explains, gesturing to a few of the boxes with a prod of her foot. "It's all her fancy clothes and shoes."
Asuka doesn't say anything about their arrival, she just leads them inside. The house is almost completely packed, every room in neat boxes, trash swept into bags, and cleaning supplies out to tidy everything. Everything is packed with the exception of the kitchen, Kaori notices, as she brings the bentos in. "What do you need help with?" she asks. "Packing up the kitchen?"
Asuka follows her in, Haruka beside her. "Well, I'm not sure if I want to do the kitchen," she says. "Because if I stay in the house, I'll need all the utensils."
Kaori can feel the disbelief spread across her face, but she can't help it. Why would Asuka come back now? "You might keep the house, then?" Haruka asks, picking up the conversation.
Asuka shrugs. "I need to figure it out by the end of the month. That's how long the real estate agent gave me, and how long my current job is holding my spot."
"Why wouldn't you go back to Budapest?" Haruka asks.
Kaori wants to cover Haruka's mouth. She wants to reach for Asuka and root her to the spot. Forget being an adult, forget wise decision making. She wants what she wants, and she wants Haruka and Asuka beside her.
"It's more like, why wouldn't I stay here?" Asuka says. "I took the jobs abroad because I couldn't stand to be here, around that woman. But now she's dead. If there's an orchestra that will accept me here in Kyoto, then I will transfer back here."
Kaori can see Haruka want to say something more, but seem to hold it back. But she has a million thoughts on her mind. "What about your father?" she asks, her voice quiet. She doesn't know if this is a secret, still, if Asuka will find it invasive that she knows.
Asuka raises her eyebrows. Her expression changes to one of disappointment, if Kaori is reading it correctly. "I thought it would be better, you know, since we both love the euphonium. Since my mother kept me away from him, I wanted to meet him so badly."
Kaori nods. Of course she'd want to meet him.
"But it wasn't as perfect as I'd hoped." She paces a bit, just within the kitchen. "He has a short temper, just like my mother. He is a perfectionist, which is fine, I am too, but I don't think I'd ever be able to please him. But worse than that, he likes to get drunk and flirt with women half his age. I left the Hong Kong Orchestra after a year to get away from him, I was so disappointed. Both my parents were so rotten. When I was in London, I wasn't even playing euphonium, I was so depressed. I had been playing it for him, and he was nothing like I expected. Now what?"
Kaori thinks of the scrapbook, a collection of memories that Asuka probably didn't want to recount. "How did you get back?" she asks. She wants to reach out and touch Asuka, to put a hand on her shoulder to reassure her, but her pacing makes her feel so volatile Kaori is afraid to even get close.
"I joined a little quartet, just for fun. They weren't very good, but it made me remember why else I played. Not just for this man I barely knew, but to be with my friends, to make music, to have my own sound. I auditioned in Budapest the next season." She smiles a little as she says it, as if the memory of that time still makes her fond, and Kaori thinks she looks pretty. She's finally stopped moving, and it's like she's returned to the present, to Japan, to this room with them.
"I'm sorry about the book," Kaori says, unsure if this is the right time but afraid to wait too long to say something. She doesn't know if that was it — if the memories were things Asuka didn't care to relive, or if it was Kaori herself, if the effort of making the thing, the time she took to care about Asuka was what gave her an aversion. Was it Asuka's father… or was it her?
Asuka softens, but then she turns away, pulling the tea from the fridge. Once she sets it on the counter she has recovered, and the mask is back, the eternal pleasantness that Asuka faced the world with. "No, I owe you an apology. It was a nice gesture." She doesn't offer to look at it in the future, and she doesn't explain why she reacted the way she did. But Haruka nods in approval, as if she's satisfied with this effort, and this is enough for Kaori.
"Thank you," Kaori says, again too afraid to reach out and touch Asuka. "Let's eat lunch?"
The other two agree, and the conversation shifts, to the odds and ends Asuka has had to find new homes for in her mother's home, and the prospect of her finding a job in Kyoto. Truthfully, Kaori has no idea how many euphonium spots there are among the professional orchestras in the region, but she imagines it can't be many. But if there's an audition coming up, she has full faith in Asuka beating out even someone with decades of experience. She was a prodigy, after all.
When they leave, well after dark, she feels lighter, both because the air is cleared, and because there's a chance that Asuka might not be leaving to go halfway around the world again. And even if she did, there is no one keeping her from visiting anymore. "Do you think Asuka will stay?" she asks Haruka, as they walk home, hand-in-hand.
She shrugs, swatting away gnats that have gathered under a streetlamp in the summer night. "I wonder. She's impossible to read." But there's something there, a little hint of affection that Kaori hadn't heard before.
"You like a challenge," she tries, because it's true. How many times did Haruka try to climb the highest-rated rock wall, or work on making soufflés that didn't deflate? Kaori was simple, she liked to go along with whatever Haruka had in mind, but in college, Haruka and Asuka constantly were debating about everything, from music to politics to the best train routes to take for maximum efficiency. She wonders if maybe, Haruka would enjoy someone to argue with, just a bit.
But again, Haruka just shrugs, non-noncommittally. "We'll see what happens. I'm glad it seems like she grew up, a little."
Kaori realizes Haruka is feeling a little neglected. That she is used to Kaori's undivided attention, and she's not-so-subtly asking to move the conversation back to them. Fine, Asuka will be there, at least through the month. Kaori slips her hand into Haruka's and bumps into her side. "I love you," she says, right into Haruka's ear. Haruka walks off the path, nearly off the curb, but guides them back before she stumbles.
"I love you, too. Let's go home."