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Claudine’s lips were dry. Her makeup was applied perfectly, somehow, she was sure of that - but her lips were dry - it was hard to open them. In fact, her whole mouth was dry. It was hard to breathe. Standing backstage moments before the HANA ‘Eclipse’ segment of the Tokyo Fashion Week runway shows, Claudine paused, trying to breathe. A strange thought occurred to her, one that she wanted to shake away and hold close at the same time: I wish Tendo Maya were here.
But alas, Maya entered from the opposite side of the runway, so she stood backstage about as far from Claudine as it was possible to get and still be backstage. Somehow, Claudine doubted that Maya’s lips were dry. Maya never seemed to get nervous - no, Claudine’s weakness was her own. And yet, this frustratingly confident part of Maya, this part that ought to make Claudine annoyed or feel inadequate or just generally deter her from the rising star that was Tendo Maya (and a star she was surely becoming), conversely, it just seemed to draw Claudine closer. With everything Maya did with assuredness and grace, Claudine felt the need to do the same, even if she was just faking it - she was the senpai, after all.
She shook her head, clearing her thoughts. You’re no longer a teenager, she reminded herself. There’s no senpais and kouhais here anymore. But the sentiment still stood. For every runway that Maya took with grace and poise, Claudine wanted to do better, feeling she had at least as much to prove. For every write-up that praised Maya in a local paper or online blog, Claudine hoped for at least as much recognition. But she knew she was old news, out of practice, and, most jarringly, Tendo Maya was just incredibly skilled.
Claudine’s real skill lay in print media, she was always good at posing and expression, and she photographed well. Runway was never her forte, and she didn’t get as much chance to practice runway as a teenager - no one particularly wanted teens at their shows aside from those designated for children’s fashion. Now, she had her height against her as well, especially compared to Maya, or other stars, like Akira. But when it came to Maya, there was also her posture, expression, everything. Claudine listened to Maya talk about the Top not as a dream, but as a summit she was currently in the process of approaching.
Claudine slowly exhaled, licking her lips. Maya didn’t know about the wolves at the summit, about the avalanches that could occur, about how the path to the Top could be misleading and meandering. For whatever reason, Claudine had come to care about Maya, at least enough that she didn’t want anything to happen to the girl who, for all her intelligence, still maintained a juxtaposing sense of naivety. If that was the case, Claudine supposed she had no choice but to guide Maya. Even if she lagged a little behind because of her inadequacies, at least she would be there to nudge Maya closer to the Top, and perhaps save her own career in the process.
She could hear the introduction music and willed her shaking hands to steady. It was louder in this venue than it was in HANA’s self-hosted show, both because the venue was larger and because the industry people and guests were chatting amongst themselves while they waited. Tokyo Fashion Week hosted proper celebrities - actors, singers, directors, athletes, along with the usual industry folk - journalists, photographers, and other designers. It was a good thing Claudine couldn’t see the crowd with the way the stage lights shone up onto the runway.
Maya stepped out first, as she had during the initial show, and then waited at the end of the runway, posing in Kaoruko’s incredibly gauzy white gown. Claudine’s cue came and she was given a tap by the crew and walked up the steps, her chin high, her expression haughty, but her eyes fixated for one moment on the way Maya’s legs appeared through that gauzy fabric, before moving her gaze to a random point in the back of the room.
Claudine stepped in front of Maya, effectively ‘covering’ the sun with the moon, and they both stood together at the front of the stage as the crowd admired the effect with a few ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ and many shutter clicks. Claudine really liked Hikari’s velvet dress with the chains, a good contrast to Maya’s look, but she wasn’t sure what kind of impression it would give. At the last show, Maya’s photo was posted, after all. Claudine felt Maya’s breath on the back of her neck, and got goosebumps along her arms, which she had posed on her hips. She hoped those giant camera lenses wouldn’t pick up this level of detail.
Claudine felt Maya turn back and she took a step backwards, holding her pose. A moment later, Koharu appeared in white, stepping in front of her, and causing a ‘solar eclipse’. Claudine tried to hold her breath to prevent breathing on Koharu’s neck in the same way Maya had done to her. By the time the appropriate time had passed, Claudine felt lightheaded. She turned away, letting out her breath, but held good posture as she walked back off stage.
Back in the staging area, Claudine was beside Maya, a curtained area drawn around them both and the stylists and designers, rushing to get Claudine and Maya out of the first dresses and into the next. Claudine was gasping to catch her breath after holding it for so long on stage, and stood with her hands on her knees as the women around her busied themselves with undoing the dress, taking off her necklace, detaching the bracelets and earrings, and prompting her to lift her feet to slip off the shoes. She was wearing little more than thin nude underwear and pasties under the dress, so she blushed as she caught Maya looking in her direction, likely checking on her breathing, but enough to cause her some embarrassment. To her credit, she saw Maya redden as well. Maya was halfway dressed in her next garment, a white sequined and beaded maxi skirt and a matching camisole, the top tied in the back with delicate laces. She accessorized with oversized white sunglasses, keeping the high ponytail, and was given short white gloves to complete the outfit. ‘
Claudine was given her next outfit as well - a dress with a black corset top and tulle skirt, completed with ankle boots, a black ribbon choker, and leather cuffs outfitted with chains. The corset itself had intense detailing - a contrast of velvet and satin in the structure, it clung to every curve tightly, and small spikes were used to create texture in an asymmetrical way along the front. It was Hikari’s punk allusion amongst the sun and moon themes.
She was triple checked to make sure each piece was in place, and then sent on her way back to the staging area backstage to await her next cue. She felt like a racecar that had its tires changed in record time.
Suddenly, a stylist ran up to her, plucking the previous outfit’s hairclip from her hair, and ensuring her hair lay flat beneath it. “Phew,” the stylist sighed in relief, rushing back to the tent.
This time, Claudine would walk before Maya, allowing the sun to come and cover the moon. After a couple minutes, she was up, tapped on the shoulder and took to the stairs. The punk dress seemed to be a hit, and though she kept her eyes focused forward, she could hear the shutters clicking rapidly and a murmur of conversation. At the end of the runway, Claudine struck her pose, awaiting Maya.
On cue, Maya appeared a moment later, right on time with the atmospheric music, stepping in front of Claudine and taking over the scene. Claudine stayed in place as she was directed to do, just for a few seconds, but they felt like eternity when standing behind Maya. Claudine was shorter than Maya, and her breath would fall on the very base of Maya’s neck. She tried to hold it, but the adrenaline was making her vision foggy. She let it out, watching the little hairs on Maya’s neck stand up. After the appropriate amount of time, she turned away, rushing back stage to catch her breath once again.
The rest of the show continued in the same way, and after several more changes, Claudine was finished and allowed to go back to the dressing room while Kaoruko said a few words to finish the show. Claudine changed into shorts and a t-shirt, not bothering with socks or shoes for the moment, relaxing on the couch, ready to sleep after the exhaustion of the show but knowing she wouldn’t be allowed. It was always like this, she recalled, even as a child. After a show, a shoot, after anything where she gave her utmost focus and attention, she simply… ran out of energy.
She leaned against a pillow, hoping to rest her eyes for a few minutes before Kaoruko returned to tell them what club or rooftop bar they would have to travel to tonight to schmooze with the industry people and now, with the celebrities who felt like joining as well.
Surprisingly, moments after, she felt the couch depress beside her, and a cold hand grab onto hers - it had to be Maya’s. Claudine opened her eyes. They were out of sight of most of the staff, but she didn’t exactly want rumors starting or someone snapping a photo of her sitting on the couch hand-in-hand with Tendo Maya. Luckily their hands fell behind where Maya’s legs were propped up, a fluffy blanket resting on them.
“Are you alright?” she asked.
“I’m fine, just trying to rest before the party,” she said, a little snappier than she meant to say it.
“Ah,” said Maya, as if Claudine had spoken to her in a normal tone. “Well get some rest then. It’ll be a few before Kaoruko gets back.”
Claudine drifted off again, only to be woken what felt like moments later to listen to Kaoruko’s closing words and to be instructed on their next moves for the after party. It seemed that tonight, Kaoruko was not giving up Futaba, so Claudine was sent with Maya and Koharu and a different manager to attend the party at some club in Harajuku. With robotic motions, she changed into a black mini-dress and heels, letting her hair down fully and watching Maya do the same.
“He’s not on the guestlist,” Futaba said, whispering in her ear when she arrived. She and Maya both took a drink, learning their lesson after the first party and sipping very slowly tonight. The Tokyo show would have a “secret show” in two days time, and then they would be flying out to Paris. Claudine was nostalgic for Paris, but she wasn’t particularly looking forward to this trip. Without her parents, what was the point of visiting? She thought of her father, stuck in that dismal hospital room, hooked up to breathing machines, and her mother beside him, that pitying look in her eyes - the one usually reserved for Claudine. Her hand shook around her drink.
To Claudine’s surprise, it was not Maya who steadied her hand and prevented the glass from falling, or worse, from shattering in her hand, but Daiba Nana. “Kuro-san, what’s wrong?” she asked.
Claudine wanted to laugh. Everyone conversation she had was “are you alright?” or “what’s wrong?”. Was she really that pathetic looking? She would have to do better. Tendo Maya was already surpassing her, she could tell. It was all she could do to keep up with the prodigious girl beside her. How irritating….
“Nothing. I’m fine, was just getting annoyed thinking of a mistake I made earlier.” Claudine lied smoothly, remembering a time when she lied daily, and matched the lie with the same assuring smile she used back then.
Nana looked as if she didn’t buy Claudine’s lie, but understood that the afterparty at this Harajuku club was not the place to pursue this conversation.
Claudine stuck with Nana and Junna most of the night, losing Maya quickly. Maya first chatted with various patrons and industry people, and then with this woman and that woman. Each beautiful woman, a special guest at this event, seemed to be drawn in by Tendo Maya’s charms, and wanted to personally meet the rising star, so it was impossible to get back to Maya’s side, and Maya seemed to make no effort to get back to Claudine’s side.
No matter, Claudine told herself. As long as she doesn’t bring anyone home with us tonight, it makes no difference to me.
She was interrupted from her staring by her phone buzzing, and opened the Instagram notification. Karen had uploaded the first ‘Eclipse’ shot, with Claudine in the black dress with the chains, coming to stand before Maya, who’s warm breath had been on the back of her neck. Inadvertently, she shivered again. “Nana, you did a wonderful job with these shots,” she said.
Nana smiled. “Thank you! Between Mahiru’s set and Hikari and Kaoruko’s dresses and you and Tendo-san’s modeling, my job was easy.” Her implication was all but stated aloud. I know you didn’t make a single mistake tonight.
Junna and Nana were close and getting closer as the evening progressed, and Maya was busy with her socializing. As soon as it was acceptable, Claudine called a car to leave, realizing as she rode home that this was probably the first time she had gone home from work without Maya aside from the few times they had separate schedules. She hoped Maya didn’t bring a woman home. She didn’t care that Maya liked women (at least, she assumed Maya liked women from how much she entertained them this evening), but she didn’t want to be privy to her relations amoureuses, and she didn’t particularly want anyone knowing where they lived.
To her surprise, Maya was in the kitchen alone, sipping coffee when Claudine woke up the next morning. “You came home alone, I was worried,” Maya said, almost immediately.
“You were occupied, I wanted to go home,” said Claudine, unsure of why she was being so petty about this. Her throat felt tight, making the words hard to say, but she held her voice steady, reaching for a coffee cup to avoid showing her face to Maya.
“Were… you jealous?” asked Maya.
Claudine nearly spilled coffee on herself but corrected at the last minute, only splashing a bit on the counter.
“I- of course not! You can do as you please!” Claudine finished preparing the coffee, now thoroughly flustered.
“Oh,” said Maya, sounding rather disappointed. Had she honestly wanted Claudine to say yes? What a vexing woman.
They spent the morning in relative silence, with Maya reading one of her many books, and Claudine sitting on the balcony. She sipped her coffee slowly, looking out at the water. After a while, Maya joined her, continuing her reading outdoors, and Claudine hated to admit it, but she appreciated the presence of Maya on the balcony, pulling her out of her thoughts of her father and the bills and the dread of encountering him at one of these events.
That afternoon, they had a meeting scheduling some shoots for the winter collection, to take place in the weeks before and after the Seoul show. Claudine didn’t pay attention to most of it, knowing the schedule would be sent to her phone, and knowing Maya was paying enough attention for them both. The evening was spent with the annoying realities of aesthetics when modeling - getting extraneous hair waxed, skin treatments, and getting her bangs trimmed. Claudine went to bed hoping she would be less sore by morning.
The next day was the Eclipse ‘secret’ show in Odaiba, and though the atmosphere was different - it took place at 10PM, with a different, younger, more alternative crowd - to Claudine it was the same event, and she performed it with the same effort and level of professionalism she gave every runway. Still, somehow, she felt her radiance did not bloom as bright as Maya’s.
After, the runway was torn down before their eyes, and a DJ came out, the venue becoming the afterparty in a matter of a few minutes. It was close to midnight, and as always, Claudine was exhausted, but she had no choice but to continue on. She swallowed a couple caffeine pills with a swig of water and changed into a silver mini skirt and a torn black American band T-shirt. It was an outfit put together by their stylist - all of her afterparty outfits were, but it suited her fine. Maya was wearing a black miniskirt, paired with a silver camisole and black women’s suit jacket with a military style patch on the chest. Claudine had the urge to pull it off of her, and see the surprised look on her face. Lately, she was becoming obsessed with causing Maya to make faces other than her normal placid ‘listening’ expression and her standard, haughty ‘runway’ face.
Claudine didn’t touch the jacket, however, and once again watched Maya become accosted by women at the party. Female musicians, actresses, and various other guests all wanted a chance to talk with Maya and take pictures with her. Claudine stepped out onto the back patio and found Hikari, bumming a cigarette from her - a rare indulgence, but one she felt she needed at the moment.
“I didn’t know you smoked,” said Hikari, standing beside her.
“I don’t, that’s why I’m bumming from you,” she said, letting out a puff of smoke that seemed to ease some of the tension in her shoulders.
“I thought it was because the stylists don’t give you any pockets,” Hikari said.
“That’s a good point. And yet they give Tendo Maya a whole jacket,” Claudine complained.
“Is she on your mind?” Hikari prodded.
“I don’t know. She’s on all of Tokyo’s minds with Karen’s campaigning.”
Hikari laughed a bit. “You’re pretty good at deflection, you know.”
Claudine sighed, exhaling smoke again. She could see the water from the patio and it made her a little more calm. She paused a bit before answering, realizing she could deflect even this accusation, if she wanted to. “I know,” she agreed at last.
“You don’t have to,” said Hikari. She looked like she didn’t want to say more, but then she turned around to lean her back against the railing, putting out her cigarette in an ashtray beside them. “I used to deflect everything until Karen started, and then she gradually got me to open up, and I feel so much lighter. It’s like… my inspiration has returned. My designs are better. It’s incredible.”
Claudine knew if it was August, if she had still been in that house with her mother, that she would have said something hurtful to Hikari just then like, ’Well that’s great for you but you don’t understand me at all!’. It was a testament to how much she had adjusted to HANA and how much she trusted the staff that she believed everything that Hikari said, and that she wanted to open up. She just couldn’t yet, she wasn’t ready.
“Thanks, Hikari. I’ll think about it.”
Days after the secret show, Claudine found herself in an airport heading to Paris. Somehow the days between the last Tokyo show and this departure had been jam-packed with interviews, with shoots, with meetings and more, and Claudine found herself in Narita airport, sleep deprived and following the HANA train of Karouko, Futaba, Hikari, Mahiru, Karen, Nana, Junna and Maya. A second flight was carrying the Seiran models, as well as several stylists and stage crew members. This was the crew deemed essential for the Paris shows.
This morning, it seemed, nothing was going her way. The coffee shop in the terminal was closed due to a staffing issue, and so Claudine was forced to get a coffee at the newsstand nearby, which ended up being bitter and rather un-drinkable. She popped a couple caffeine pills, hating how they made her jittery, but knowing she shouldn’t sleep for another few hours to get her schedule right in Paris. The news stand had a tabloid with Maya on the cover, bragging about how “Tokyo’s girlcrush” was spotted in Ginza. Well of course, thought Claudine, she works there. There was another tabloid that mentioned them, but she didn’t bother to read it. It was all so irritating. She went back to her seat to wait for the flight, annoyed even with the crying baby across the way.
Did Claudine always find everything so irritating? She thought that Tendo Maya, who's life was planned so perfectly, who needed everything 'just so' from her evening run to her perfectly ironed outfits, would be the one getting set off by little things, but it seemed Maya was as relaxed as could be. She was chatting with Nana at the moment, the two of them leaning back in the uncomfortable airport chairs. No, it was just Claudine who was having a bad time.
Perhaps this is why some people labeled her a 'diva'. She smirked, realizing it was just a matter of time until the term would pop up again.
“Come on, Claudine, it’s time to board.” Junna brought her out of her thoughts, and they made their way towards Paris.