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Claudine took the train from Ginza to Roppongi, keeping her sunglasses on, despite how odd she supposed she looked. She debated whether it would draw more attention to keep sunglasses on on the train vs. risk having her upper half of her face identified by someone on the train, and decided to just stick with the glasses. She wanted to just assure herself that she wasn’t that popular, no one really cared about Saijou Claudine, but she knew that wasn’t true. Millions of people followed her on social media, millions of people watched her every move.
She closed her eyes as she rode, thinking of her trip home over the break. It had been nice to return home. Her father wasn’t doing well, exactly, but he was cheerful and they enjoyed their time together in the two weeks she was home. Her mother warned that they would likely need a consultation with a specialist in Tokyo, so she anticipated her parents visiting in a few weeks as well.
And then there was the matter of Maya. Of all the mess the Kirin business had caused, she supposed getting closer to Maya was the best thing that had happened. They could talk easily, they could kiss. They could sleep together. She smiled a little, to herself. She was too old to be blushing over such things, she supposed, but she was behind on relationship matters. And Maya was just… she shook her head a bit. It wasn’t good to think too much about Maya midday on a train in the middle of Tokyo.
She tried to refocus, to think about what needed to be done. Claudine had warned her mother that Kirin had resurfaced, but she wasn’t exactly sure what her next move would be. She needed to talk it over with Kyoko, and likely with a lawyer. Ugh, what a headache.
She got off the train in Roppongi Hills, the studio actually incredibly close to the station. She stopped in a convenience store to pick up a cold drink first, she felt like this would probably be a long session, and got a second, since she knew Shizuha would be there. On the magazine rack in the shop, Claudine noticed Akira was featured on the cover of Fashion*Butai, and Claudine had to admit, she was in top form.
At the studio, Claudine greeted the director, the photographers, and the stylists, bowing politely. It was an old habit, but she figured that it was better to be overly polite than to come off as a diva. The director mentioned that it was nice to have two veteran models here, and that things should run smoothly, and Claudine had to agree. To be honest, nothing seemed like it would be as easy as working with Maya anymore, but she had full faith in Shizuha’s competence.
Once the men and women in charge of the shoot left to set up, she and Shizuha and the stylists moved to the dressing room, sitting in adjacent chairs. They were modeling pajamas, so the styling was rather simple, but the girls helping them were very good, and minimalist makeup helped brighten and accentuate their features greatly. Both of them were given soft, wavy hairstyles.
Claudine passed over the drink, turning on some popular music on her phone. “It’s been a long time, Shizuha,” she said, hoping Shizuha would indulge her in some sort of conversation to break up the nervous tension she was feeling.
“It has been,” Shizuha said, with a soft smile. “I don’t think we’ve worked together since we were um… 14? 15?”
Claudine laughed. “Probably around that time, yes. I think maybe for that campaign for the sundresses? Remember? With the giant hats?”
Shizuha laughed as well. “Yes. I think you might have pulled off a giant straw hat better than me. They ended up making me hold mine at my side.”
“I think that means you won, really, in the end,” Claudine joked.
They were dismissed from the chairs, and sent to change into the first set of pajamas. Shizuha went ahead, speaking with a stylist, who nodded. “Your agent let us know, yes, we have pulled these sets,” she said, showing which rack was Shizuha’s and which rack was Claudine’s. Claudine couldn’t find a difference between the two, they seemed to have varying colors and styles, and the two of them were about the same size, but she didn’t give it much thought: she was here to take the photos and get paid. Not that she wasn’t going to do a good job. She was Saijou Claudine - anything less than the best quality of work would be insulting to those who hired her.
They began once they were dressed, moving to a set dressed like a bedroom. There was a canopy bed, a chaise lounge, a window sill, and a dressing table with a vanity mirror. Beside this set was a plain backdrop for getting shots of each set for the website and catalogue for purchase. They were instructed to take shots together, then one would take solo shots on the set while the other posed with the backdrop, then switch, then change and repeat. It was easy enough.
Claudine wore a navy blue spaghetti-strapped nightgown and a kimono-style robe over it, black fluffy slippers on her feet. Beside her Shizuha was in a plum colored long-sleeved night-gown with mesh panels on the chest. Claudine sat on the chaise lounge, Shizuha standing beside her, holding a hand mirror from the dressing table. The shoulder of Claudine’s robe slipped down, but she allowed it - it added some interest to the picture. The stylist came to fix their hair, and they began.
Shizuha, as predicted, was a professional, and they continued to pose naturally, with little direction needed. Claudine tried various sets of pajamas, sitting on the large bed, on the stool by the vanity, pulling back the curtain to the fake window. In each shot with Shizuha, the other woman worked off her well, knowing which position was most complementary, which positioning would fill out the frame, and what expression to make. She never seemed to want to take the lead, but she played off of Claudine well enough.
They were offered a break but both chose to push through, just finishing the drinks from earlier in a couple minutes. It was a long session, but Claudine didn’t find it that difficult. No more difficult than anything she’d done as a child, in any case. When they packed up, at least until the next session (with the next set), she had a message that Maya was going to be late, as she was going to be working out with Koharu. Claudine originally planned to just go to the apartment and watch a movie or something, but she noticed Shizuha waiting for her, almost as if she wanted to say something.
“What’s up?” she asked, packing up her bag.
“Do you… want to get dinner?” Shizuha asked.
Her tone indicated that this proposal was not about the dinner at all, and perhaps that was why Claudine agreed. They ended up just going to a shopping center in Roppongi, neither of them feeling like worrying about figuring out a destination at the moment. They sat on the second-floor seating section of the food court, which was luckily rather empty, looking out towards the elevated train tracks. The sun had gone down, and Claudine watched the cars and people move busily through this neighborhood.
She didn’t even pay attention to what she had ordered, and mindlessly picked at her tray. “What’s this about, Shizuha?” she asked. She felt like she could talk straight with Shizuha, even though they weren’t that close. Shizuha was the same age, and had been in the industry nearly as long as she had. Some experiences just brought them to that level of closeness.
Shizuha took a deep breath, ignoring her own tray of food. “I heard you had a run-in with Kirin at the Christmas party,” she said.
Of everything Claudine expected her to start with, it was not this. She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
“Kyoko indicated as much, though don’t blame her. I pressured her a little for details.”
“...Why?” Claudine asked, the word emerging a little choked.
Another sigh, as if bracing herself. She pulled back her sleeve, just a few inches.
“I… also…”
No. Nononononoono. Claudine wanted to reverse time, to wish this conversation had never begun.
Scars. The kind one can only inflict on oneself, on Shizuha’s arm. The only difference in their outfits - none without long sleeves for Shizuha that afternoon. Claudine willed her not to go on.
“After you ‘retired’, he became my agent. I had just turned 18…”
“No.”
“I had to leave my contract before the year expired…”
“No!”
A few people in the cafeteria looked at them, surprised by Claudine’s outburst. She reddened. Without a mask or sunglasses, she felt exposed. She felt like crying. She had left, she didn’t get Kirin detained, she had put Shizuha directly in the crosshairs. She was partially to blame for those scars. Who knew how many scars were further up her sleeves? She felt dizzy.
There was a hand on her shoulder. Shizuha. “Why don’t we take a walk?” she suggested.
Claudine could have laughed. This girl, confessing her own trauma, now comforting Claudine. She took a deep breath, pulling herself together, nodding. They dumped their uneaten dinner trays in the trash, Claudine putting on her mask again.
“I apologize,” she said, once they were walking around the neighborhood in the chilly winter air. “Both for my outburst just now, and for what you went through back then. I often think about that time and think… if I could have just done things differently, he wouldn’t be working in the industry now.”
“Please, Saijou-san, don’t worry. I… didn’t tell you that to make you feel guilty. I wanted you to know you’re not the only one with something against that man. Perhaps something still can be done, I don’t know, I suppose we’d have to speak with a lawyer. But… I don’t know. I thought: I was somehow relieved that I wasn’t completely alone. Perhaps Saijou-san would be relieved that she wasn’t completely alone.”
Claudine nodded, understanding, a bit, despite how strange the concept seemed. “Y- your arms…” she said, feeling her tears coming despite her attempts to hold them back.
Shizuha nodded. “That is part of my past, certainly. Something I can’t erase, no matter how much I want to. There’s other things too. The way I can’t think of food without worrying about my body image, my weight, that’s all him. The way I worry every time I’m alone with a man, no matter how trustworthy he seems.”
Claudine nodded, stopping in order to embrace Shizuha. “I know,” she said. “I know.”
She left soon after, with a promise to meet with Shizuha and Kyoko ahead of their next shooting for Arcana, in order to discuss their next move. By the time she got back to the apartment, Maya was still not back. Her adrenaline from finding out about Shizuha seemed to fade all at once, and turned into pure exhaustion and sadness. Of course it was not just me, she thought. Of course he would move on.
She laid down on the couch lazily throwing a blanket over herself, thinking perhaps she should just go to sleep, but remembering she had said she would stay up to meet Maya that evening. She flipped on the television, trying to focus on the program, and not on the thoughts racing in her mind, memories of a man who would certainly bring her fame, no one could debate that, but who would also bring her misery. ’Claudine, you’re coming to dinner tonight, wear this dress.’ ‘Claudine, careful with your portions.’ ‘Claudine, I need you to stop by my office after your shoot tonight.’
“Claudine?”
She looked up, realizing that Maya had returned. It was hard to speak, it was hard to ask for anything. She didn’t want to rely on Maya too much, but at the same time, she just wanted to sink into Maya completely, to be with Maya was to feel comfort.
She felt Maya slide in behind her on the couch and it felt like a physical buffer between Claudine and her worries. She pressed in closer, hoping for more of this power, and more of Maya’s touch. She almost laughed - one day apart and she was this needy, the busy work of spring could not come fast enough.
She could feel Maya’s tenseness behind her, Maya’s concern. “I didn’t see him,” she assured her. “But it wasn’t just me, Maya. There’s at least one other…”
Maya’s hand ran up and down her arms, as if the friction would bring her some comfort. Strangely, it seemed to work. “We’ll get through this,” she said, with the confidence that Claudine needed.
“Thank you,” Claudine said, “For always listening to me, for being here.”
She leaned back, pressing herself closer into Maya, until she felt Maya lift her head, feeling Maya’s lips against her neck a moment later. The kiss deepened, bringing heat into her core, and she reached back, her hands snaking through Maya’s hair as Maya kissed her neck.
She could feel Maya’s hand, tentative at first, reaching under her shirt, so she placed her hand on top, guiding it, letting her know that yes, she wanted this. The tension from the day - the long shoots, the confessions, the unwanted memories - seemed to melt away, at least temporarily, as she was under Maya’s spell, and she wanted it to continue, at least a little longer.
“Bedroom?” Maya asked, her voice low, spoken right into Claudine’s ear.
Claudine didn’t trust herself to speak, merely nodding and complying with the request.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
“Have you seen these YaYas?” Yachiyo asked, as she sat across from Claudine at a small teahouse in Ginza. They were meeting during the lunch hour, so it was fairly quiet, but they still requested a seat in the back room, just in case.
“What are those? Your fans?” Claudine asked.
Yachiyo laughed, sipping her tea with dainty, perfectly manicured fingers. “As if. I’m just a slave who ‘also works at that firm that Heirophant works at’. No. The YaYas are MaYaYas… Maya-san’s fans.”
“What? Let me see.”
“I knew that would get your attention. Based on that mark on your neck, you’re the head YaYa.”
Claudine blushed, tucking her hair around her neck, but taking the phone from Yachiyo nonetheless. “Oh, matching T-shirts? Oh gosh, this one made Maya keychains. She’s like a pop idol!”
Yachiyo nodded. “Teen sensation indeed. Akira has her own set of fans. Maybe they’ll meet after dark and fight.”
Claudine shook her head, sipping her tea.
“Tell her to watch out, though. Akira’s had some trouble with the ‘kirakiras’ bombarding her after shoots and things like that. They mean well but they can take it too far.”
“Honestly, things have really changed since we worked.”
“It’s not too late for you to go to design school,” said Yachiyo. “You can always join me.”
Claudine shook her head. “I have no talent for things like that. Besides…”
“Besides?”
“Don’t make me say it.”
“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about, Kuro, you lost me.” Yachiyo bit into a pastry at the table, tilting her head, awaiting Claudine’s explanation.
“Well, I feel as though I’m meant to stand at her side…” she said, quietly, feeling the blush color her cheeks. “Ugh! You knew from the start!”
“I wanted to hear it! Ah, you really are YaYa-sama,” Yachiyo teased.
“You’re the worst.”
“I know. But I’m still your best friend. And I’m happy for you. I really am, I just haveto tease you, it’s in my nature.”
“I know, and I really do appreciate you. I wanted to apologize, for sneaking out of the Christmas party, after you spent all that time trying to help.”
Yachiyo shook her head. “Listen, Kuro - I understand. I don’t know everything that went down, but I know that man is fucked up. If you needed to leave, you needed to leave. I’m glad Maya-san found you. But you should call Souda-san. She doesn’t know anything about what happened, and she was really surprised.”
Claudine nodded. She did not look forward to speaking with Souda-sensei, but she understood what Yachiyo meant. “Yeah, I will. I better get back. I’ll leave first, and pay for us both. Thanks, Yachiyo.”
“Bye, Kuro!”
After an afternoon of fittings for the crystalline campaign, Claudine received a text that Maya was again working out with Koharu, so she took this as a sign to seek out Souda-sensei. She rode the train to Seisho, arriving a few minutes after the final class had ended. She called Souda-sensei, letting her know she was outside, and was let in and led to Souda’s office.
“I’m glad to see you’re alive,” she was berated, as Souda handed her a cup of tea and pointed to the small couch in the corner of her office, this time choosing to sit beside her. Claudine realized that she didn’t mind - she and Souda had known each other for so long that despite the age difference, it felt like sitting with an old friend.
“I’m alive,” she repeated.
“What is happening with you? First it seems like you’re going to pass out in the middle of the party, then you run away? This isn’t like you.”
“Thank you,” Claudine said, “For getting me out of there. You probably will never know how much that means to me.”
“Kuro. Who was that?”
“It’s a long story…”
“Kuro, I want to help you.”
Claudine thought about telling the story to Maya. She realized that perhaps she could speak to Souda, someone she had known for years, only because she had spoken to Maya first. Maya’s persistence, Maya’s patience, Maya’s love, if she was being honest, was necessary. Only then did she have any chance of speaking to anyone else.
“How much time do you have?”