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Claudine saw him as she was leaving the Siegfeld group. Perhaps, if she was thinking more clearly, she would have gone back to get Yachiyo, or hunted down Futaba, but thinking clearly she was not. In that moment, seeing that man speaking with her Maya, her only thought was to get Maya away as quickly as possible.
As she walked over to them, quickly, but not rushing so as not to cause too much of a scene, she wondered how he was here. He was still working, certainly, but not in Ginza. And HANA was not hosting, but Futaba still had been checking the guest lists of the events they were attending. It didn’t matter, she realized. He was here, and he was within inches of Maya.
Finally reaching them, she grabbed Maya’s hand, pulling her away, urging her to move away from this wretched man. And yet, Maya didn’t budge. She almost laughed. ’Of course she won’t move,’ a mocking voice in her head called out, ’You have given her no reason to, told her nothing about why she should fear this man!’
Tears almost welled up in her eyes with frustration. Maya probably just thought Claudine was being weird, or irritating. Couldn’t she see the danger? Couldn’t she see how much Claudine needed her trust right now?
“Ah, good evening, Claudine.”
And suddenly, she was seventeen. Seeing that face was one thing, but hearing that voice, the voice with so much power over her life- well, that was completely different. Her grip went slack on Maya’s hand. Her mouth went dry. Somehow, this seemed to get Maya’s attention more than the urgent pulling. She thought, in that moment, ’Ah yes, this is why I went to Yokohama. This is why I never wanted to come back. How could I have forgotten?’ She wanted to curse her own stupidity.
But instead of turning away, instead of tugging once again on Maya’s hand, instead of slapping this man across his face, she heard her own voice, coming out smaller than she had ever heard it before. “Good evening.”
Each millisecond felt like minutes for Claudine, her feet glued to the spot. ’Why didn’t Maya understand? We need to leave! Now!’ Kirin sipped his champagne, turning back to Maya and saying something about how lovely her necklace was. Staring at her chest was more like it.
Somehow, by some miracle, Souda-sensei approached them, bowing as she interrupted their group. “Claudine, you look pale,” she said, or at least that’s what Claudine thought she said. Maybe it was the Christmas party and she was 23, or maybe it was a runway event and she was 14, for all it mattered, the way that Souda-sensei was dragging her by the hand and taking care of her.
She was led to a bench in a corridor, given a glass of water, with Souda-sensei and Yachiyo taking turns fussing over her. Yachiyo came to sit beside her and ask about Kirin in a whispered tone, because Souda-sensei didn’t know the details, while Souda-sensei would quiz her if she ate or drank anything strange, or if she ought to call her parents - ‘where was her phone anyway?’
Finally, as Yachiyo went to go alert Futaba to find a way to get Kirin out of the party or at least on some kind of security watch, Claudine sent Souda-sensei for another glass of water, and took the chance to leave the party.
Walking around Odaiba in mid-December, with just her puffy coat over a light dress probably wasn’t the smartest idea, but she didn’t have a phone to call a car, and leaving the apartment earlier, it had been too much trouble to add gloves, hat, and scarf to her ensemble. At the moment, the freezing air was helping Claudine to clear her head, and she was drawn, as she always was, to the bay.
She was grateful that the party wasn’t in landlocked Ginza, where she might actually panic. At least here she could go sit by the water and relax until it was time to catch a late train home - she still had her train pass at least.
She sighed as she walked, a little puff of air appearing in front of her face from her warm breath hitting the air. She supposed it was only a matter of time before she encountered Kirin. She should have been prepared. But imagining an encounter was nothing like the real thing. Even if she had “practiced” for that moment, she was certain she still would have been blindsided by that voice that was embedded into her psyche.
She looked around realizing that in her haste to depart the party, she hadn’t much paid attention to where she was going. The Sky Wheel was to her left, and the water before her, and she realized in a moment she would be approaching the ferry terminal. She realized it was likely almost midnight, as the Christmas party started late, so there would be no ferry service so late at night, and the dock would be mostly empty. Odaiba’s ferry terminal offered only an inlet, and while it was rather impressive in size, it was dwarfed by the size of the actual bay. However, the inlet would have to do for now. Claudine was not traipsing to the shore of Tokyo Bay in her current attire and heels.
She arrived in just a few minutes, passing by one traffic partition meant to keep pedestrians off the dock once the ferry was closed. She hoped there wasn’t a security camera, but she also didn’t much care. ’Ha!’ she thought, ’Let Saijou Claudine get arrested for trespassing.’
She stood at the edge, peering into the black waters. For the first time in a long time, she wondered what it would be like to be embraced by the cold water, to sink below the surface and be carried beneath, to let the feeling flood every cell and then her lungs.
“Claudine!”
She was shaken from her thoughts by her name being called, by none other than Tendo Maya. Tendo Maya, who couldn’t take a hint earlier at the party, had followed her out to the pier. She was huffing and puffing, apparently having run all the way here in heels, and was wearing someone else’s coat. “How did you find me?” she asked, sticking her hands in the pockets. She had come here to be alone, she had slipped from Yachiyo and Souda’s supervision - she did not ask for Tendo Maya to pry into her business.
“There was only one solution,” said Maya, walking out further onto the pier. In the freezing temperatures of the evening, some of the spray from the waves had frozen onto the dock, leaving a slippery surface for their heeled boots, but Maya did not falter, striding towards her with purpose.
“You shouldn’t have come here,” said Claudine. “I’m… I’m not good right now,” her words difficult to find now that her mind was racing. She hoped Maya would understand what she meant. She was in that dangerous place - where she would yell at her mother, or scratch at her skin. She was in the place where jumping into the water seemed all too tempting. She bit her lip.
“You know him, Suzuki Rinshou-san?” Maya asked, almost shouting against a strong wind that blew in across the ferry terminal. The few large ships that were moored did nothing to stop the chilly gust that caught inside Claudine’s coat.
She spit on the ground upon hearing that cursed name. “Ugh, l'enculé!” She shook her head. “Don’t say that name around me again.”
“Why?!” asked Maya, taking another step forward, this time skidding a slight bit on the ice. Claudine took a step back. “I want to understand, tell me why you don’t like him, tell me why you couldn’t move back there!”
It wasn’t the words that reached Claudine, not really. It was the fact that Tendo Maya, usually so composed and proper, was standing on the edge of the icy dock, covered in freezing sea spray, raising her voice for the first time since Claudine had met her. She was… yelling. She was upset.
But how? How to sum up the years of history with that man with a few words? She opened her mouth, surprised to find herself shivering, though she supposed it wasn’t surprising at all. Her mouth hung open for a moment, a choked noise coming out as she tried to form the words. He… he what? He… “He ruined my life!” she shouted, slipping as she took a step back towards Maya. Tears flooded her eyes, and she couldn’t see anything to stop herself from falling, there was nothing to grab onto to keep herself from pitching into the sea.
Somehow there was a hand on hers, and Claudine felt herself collide with Maya, feeling Maya’s shoes slipping on the ice as well. Claudine could feel them careening towards the edge, and kept her eyes shut, bracing for the impact of the freezing water. “I’m sorry!” she shouted to Maya, apologizing for dragging her into her panicked disaster.
And then they stopped, Claudine thudding rather hard into Maya. There was no splash of hitting the water. There was no icy embrace as she sank below the surface. Somehow, somehow, she was still on the dock, pressed against Maya’s chest as Maya had crashed into a large wooden pole used for mooring on the pier.
“Maya?” she called tentatively, afraid to look up.
She could feel Maya take a deep breath, wincing slightly as she did so. “I’m here,” she said, her voice a little quieter than usual.
“Maya!” Claudine repeated, backing up on her knees and turning around. Now that she had assurance that Maya was alright, she needed to see the extent of the damage - the extent that her actions had caused damage.
Maya was sitting on the pier, her back against a mooring pole, slumped forward a bit as she massaged the back of her head. “Are you alright? Are you bleeding?” Claudine asked, swiping away her tears with a clumsy, cold hand as she reached for Maya’s face, gently tilting her chin up to look at her.
Maya looked somewhat dazed, but didn’t seem to be bleeding. She held up her hands, which were scraped from the fall, with small splinters of wood here and there. Claudine’s stomach turned. Her outburst had caused this. Because she couldn’t speak rationally or explain herself to Maya earlier, she caused a scene and gotten Maya hurt. She could have easily gotten them killed.
“Let’s get you to a doctor,” Claudine said quietly, her throat closing from guilt. She held the tears back once again, digging in Maya’s jacket pocket for her cell phone.
Oh, but it wasn’t Maya’s jacket. And Claudine had smashed her own phone. “Shit,” she cursed, mostly at her own ineptitude, than at the lack of cell phones. “Do you think you can stand?” she asked, standing herself and then leaning down to offer a hand to Maya.
Maya took her proffered hand, standing as well, the two of them unsteady on the ice, but moving slowly towards the sidewalk back on solid ground. Claudine stayed behind Maya, hands still held, inspecting her for any injuries she may have missed.
“There’s an attendant at the valet circle up there, perhaps he can call the driving service for us,” suggested Maya. “Do you have their number?”
Claudine slid out the card from where it was tucked behind her train pass. Leave it to Maya to come up with a logical idea like this, even after she just had a major fall. The attendant was more than happy to call the driver, and despite the late hour, a car was there to collect them in less than fifteen minutes. They spent most of the time waiting in silence. Claudine knew their conversation from earlier wasn’t over, but she did not want it to be interrupted again, so she chose to wait.
Maya instructed the driver to stop back at the warehouse where the Christmas party was still going strong. She left Claudine waiting in the car for a moment as she dashed inside to collect her actual coat and her phone and wallet. Then they set off back home.
“Who’s coat is that?” asked Claudine of the second coat now on Maya’s lap, her voice almost a whisper as she looked out the window. Despite this, Maya answered her as if this was a normal conversation.
“Koharu-san’s. She happened to be leaving early and had her coat already claimed. I didn’t want to waste any time following you so she offered it to me.”
Claudine bit her lip thinking of the other girl going home without a coat. “Make sure you get it back to her,” she chided, knowing already that Maya’s sense of responsibility meant she would never keep the coat.
“Of course,” said Maya. “I saw Tsuruhime-san inside,” she said, after another moment passed. “She looked really concerned, so I let her know we were heading home together.”
Claudine didn’t respond, she just leaned her head against the cold window of the car, watching the scenery change as they approached Kachidoki.
They arrived home and nearly ran into the warm apartment, each going to their bedrooms to change into something warmer. Claudine could hear Maya return to the kitchen, gingerly grabbing at mugs and switching on the electric kettle. She followed her out to the common area, unsure of what to say - how to start the conversation that needed to happen between them.
“Let me look at your hands,” she said, not waiting for Maya to respond before she reached out to take one of Maya’s hands, inspecting it in the light of their kitchen.
It was dirty and scraped up from the dock, certainly, and small splinters of wood had embedded themselves into her palm. She thought of the day they moved in together, when Maya had cut herself cleaning up the trophy. “You need this taken care of - and you are not doing it yourself,” Claudine said firmly. “Either let me help you or we’re going to the hospital.”
“I don’t mind if you help me,” said Maya, turning around and using her free hand to turn off the electric kettle which had begun to boil. Claudine could feel the way Maya winced as she lifted the kettle to pour the water, through their connected hands.
Claudine retrieved the first aid kit and they moved to sit on the couch, two cups of tea between them. First, she wiped off the grime from the docks with an alcohol wipe, watching as Maya tried not to react, but stiffened slightly. Then she retrieved a sterilized needle and forceps, and set to the tedious work of removing the tiny splinters of wood.
She sighed. It would be easier to talk while doing this work - staring at Maya’s beautiful hands - than it would be to delay any further and try to explain herself while looking Maya in the eye later on.
“When I was first starting out, my mom was always with me at jobs,” she said, her voice quiet. She could sense Maya listening carefully. “When I was seven, eight, she was always watching me work, watching the staff at shoots, keeping an eye on the older girls to make sure no one was being mean to me, making sure I kept up with my studies. When I was nine I had my first overseas job and we went to Italy together.”
Claudine wanted to keep talking about these memories, but she knew that wasn’t exactly what Maya needed to hear. She swiped a small piece of wood she removed on a piece of gauze and continued. “But once my dad got sick for the first time, she was torn between two duties. She needed to stay with him, and pick up part time jobs, so she couldn’t stay with me all the time. I… well at that time, I was making the most money in the family, so I chose to keep working. They got me an agent.”
Maya’s finger twitched a bit as Claudine poked at a deep splinter, but her hand remained still, allowing Claudine to work. “I shared an agent with Yachiyo then. Well, we shared most things: clothes, a tutor, jobs, a room in the agency dorm. My agent was a strict woman, but she was fair. She worked hard to make sure I was promoted well, and I quickly became more famous, landing that contract with the theme parks. That was when I met Souda-sensei, around the time when I was eleven or twelve, and she in her late teens. She was one of the only older models who was kind to us.”
Claudine finished with Maya’s right hand, rubbing in an antibiotic salve and wrapping the broken skin in gauze. She fixed her attention on the left hand, after each of them took a break to sip their tea. “But when I turned fourteen, Yachiyo left for Edel, and my agent ended up leaving as well. I wonder sometimes if she was forced out. In any case, I was put in his care…”
“Suzuki Rinshou-san,” said Maya, saying the name carefully.
“The bastard,” Claudine cursed, the forceps shaking slightly in her hand. She settled her hands in her lap for a moment, not risking herself touching Maya while she was feeling so… volatile. “Yes, him,” she acknowledged. “Kirin, as he is known, became my agent and manager. He… ruined me.”
Maya reached out, her bandaged hand coming to cover Claudine’s hands which remained balled in her lap. “Please help me understand, I want to support you,” she said.
Claudine raised her gaze to look at the shining violet eyes she adored so much, staring at her with nothing but affection and concern. She sighed, flipping Maya’s left hand over and setting back to her work for something to distract herself.
“At first it was normal, then slowly, it changed. He would ask me to accompany him to events, to places no teenagers should be at, with older men I had no business meeting with. Called it ‘networking’. He would always comment on how I was changing from a child to an adult, and have something to say about how much I was eating. As I developed a presence online, he would bring up nasty things people would say online about me, teasing me about it.” She gently removed a splinter, biting her own lip as if she could feel the pain that Maya felt.
She continued speaking once the delicate work was finished. “He would demand to see my fittings, where I might be barely half dressed, or he might ask me to come to the agency at odd hours or do extra work in exchange for priority placement in the next shows.” She scoffed. “It worked, as someone of my height and more importantly, my age, rarely got into runway shows, and I became extremely popular, but I felt dirty, like I cheated…”
She finished her work on the second hand, rubbing in the salve and wrapping it, too, in gauze. “Surely you must have been able to get away?” Maya asked, shifting on the couch so she sat beside Claudine now, their legs touching. The closeness was distracting, and Claudine found it hard to think with Maya so close, but she didn’t want her to move away, either.
“I didn’t tell anyone,” she said. “I didn’t tell my mom, or Souda-sensei, or Yachiyo, though I think Yachiyo figured it out before long. I thought that ‘if I can endure this, if I can get more famous and land bigger contracts, even if it was ‘cheating’, then my family wouldn’t have to worry about money, and I… I could hire anyone I wanted to represent me.”
Somehow, saying this out loud to Maya was making her calm down, instead of getting more riled up. Shifting, she adjusted so she was laying on her side on the couch, her head on Maya’s lap, feeling Maya’s unbandaged fingertips moving softly through her hair. “But in the end, you couldn’t endure,” Maya prompted.
“No,” she said, the words sounding hollow even to herself. “I was nearly eighteen, nearly to the point where my contract with Kirin expired. But the things he was asking of me, in exchange for rigging these contracts to get my name higher…” She rolled onto her back, now looking directly up at Maya. “I just woke up one morning and realized, “I would rather die than continue living another day under this man.”
Maya’s hand came down and caressed her cheek now, softly moving her hair aside. “I called my mom,” said Claudine. “I told her as much. We broke the contract, paying severe penalties to the company, and certainly some of our money lined his pockets. But I got to leave, and I thought I would leave forever.”
Maya traced her thumb over the curve of Claudine’s nose, across her brows. “It’s ok to walk away from that,” she said. “Your boundaries were completely invaded. I… I would not blame you if you did not return at all,” she said.
Claudine understood the other half of the sentence, the implication Maya left unspoken. “I don’t regret it,” she said, meeting Maya’s gaze. “Coming back, I mean.” She sat up, now back beside Maya on the couch, unable to keep still. “But it is just so irritating!” She ran her fingers through her hair, feeling her teeth grind together. “I have suffered for what? Seven years? More? And he just… gets to run around Tokyo like nothing’s wrong? Enjoying life? Probably trying to recruit you just to ruin your life! I can’t let that happen, I couldn’t allow that to happen, I absolutely,-”
“It’s alright,” said Maya, cutting her off mid-sentence with an embrace. “I’m alright,” she assured her.
Claudine could feel the tears now, unstoppable now that Maya was holding her. She allowed herself to cry, hiding her face in the curve of Maya’s neck and shoulder, allowing herself to be comforted by the feel of Maya’s hands on her back.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Maya said, her voice close to Claudine’s ear. This seemed to help quell the tide of emotions in Claudine's chest after a few minutes, and though she didn’t move from Maya’s embrace, she felt much more composed.
It seemed Maya had more to say, after all that listening, however. “I’m glad you were able to talk to me,” she said. “I… want to be able to support you.”
Claudine nodded, wiping her eyes with her sweater sleeve.
“As for Kirin, we will have to see if anything can be done. You’re right, it’s unfair that his abuses are not reported and unpunished. As you said, he could be continuing to do the same to other women.” She sighed, sitting up a little straighter. “But not tonight. It’s late, and we’re both tired. Tonight let’s get some sleep.”
Claudine nodded, following Maya’s lead. Despite the late hour, she felt dirty from the adventure at the docks, from her makeup, from her encounter with Kirin, and so she elected to take a shower. When she got out and changed into pajamas, her own room, with the fluffy white comforter on the bed, and the window facing the water, seemed a little lonely. So for what felt like the tenth time that night, she bothered Maya, crawling beside her in bed.
“Claudine?” asked Maya, obviously not expecting this.
“Is it alright?” she asked, pausing for permission at the edge of the mattress.
“Yes, of course,” said Maya, shifting over.
Claudine joined her, the two of them close under the covers. Finally, her body seemed to relax, the fight seemed to be leaving her muscles. The excitement of the evening seemed distant now that Maya was beside her. Maya, who was like the calm waves of the bay, constant and steady, full of depths she knew nothing about, and dangerously beautiful. At this moment, it was undoubtedly Maya that Claudine wanted to sink into.
And so she did.