Home Fanfics Go Back
The next month moved swiftly, with work for the winter catalogue finishing, and new print media going up in store fronts, train stations, and on social media. According to Junna and Mahiru, due to the success of the Eclipse show, HANA didn’t have to ‘wait and see’ to sell ads this season, they could sell them right from the start.
Everywhere Claudine looked, she could see Tendo Maya in earthy tones, standing amongst evergreen trees, herself in a green sweater and HANA classic denim, posing by a travel camper, and- “Yakumo-san?”
“Just call me Kyoko,” said Claudine’s agent, approaching her from outside the station, where Claudine emerged from the escalator.
“Of course, Kyoko. I am to meet them at the Tokyo Tower in about fifteen minutes, I believe.”
“Well, I won’t make you late. When I heard you wanted to discuss some things, I figured we could have a phone conversation as usual, but it is nice to meet clients face-to-face at least once or twice,” she said, slipping on a pair of sleek sunglasses to match her slicked-back ponytail. From her tall boots to her black, fur-trimmed coat, everything about Yakumo Kyoko said no-nonsense with a side of ‘badass’. It gave Claudine a small modicum of satisfaction to imagine Kyoko beside Tendo Maya’s agent, who she imagined as some aged, frumpy lawyer.
“Let’s get something to drink, then walk and talk,” Claudine said, walking to a street vendor. “I haven’t had breakfast yet.” Claudine purchased them a couple of coffees from the vendor and they set off, warming their hands on the hot cups against the cold November day.
Claudine wore a knit cap with her hair tucked up inside it, oversized sunglasses, and a black, puffy jacket. She doubted anyone would be able to identify her, but she stuck to Kyoko’s side, as if the attention Kyoko’s striking image brought would take some off of her. “Now, what does Souda’s imouto want from me?” Kyoko teased.
“I need work,” she huffed, nearly choking as she took a sip of the too-hot coffee right after.
“You have work,” Kyoko said, gesturing to a [life on mars] campaign ad on a nearby train overpass. “You’re plastered all over Tokyo.”
“Don’t I know it,” said Claudine with a derisive laugh. “I need more work,” she clarified. “Some kind of short term contract I can work on in January or February, during the slow season.”
Kyoko clicked her tongue a bit as she opened her mouth, tipping her head towards Claudine with a little furrow of the brow that Claudine could see even beyond her sunglasses. Claudine turned forward again and began walking a little faster toward the Tokyo Tower. “I have a couple questions,” Kyoko said.
“I just need you to find me work, not pry,” Claudine said, now a step ahead.
Kyoko caught up so she wasn’t shouting her questions down a Tokyo sidewalk. She was nothing if not athletic, Claudine realized at once, so she slowed down, knowing that between them, she would be out of breath first. “First: what do you need more work for? You have a lush contract, enjoy your breaks when you get them, you’re gonna miss that free time come spring.”
Noticing Claudine’s reticence to answer, Kyoko continued with her questioning. “Second: why are you trying to pick up more contracts? It’s only going to get worse… your popularity, your fans, your anti-fans, all of it. If you don’t want the recognition, just ride out this contract and go home.”
Claudine clenched her teeth, trying to let the questions roll off of her and not affect her. Somehow it was easy in interviews to answer like a robot, or a well-trained idol, but here - it was like Kyoko knew exactly which buttons to press. Claudine could hear a small voice in her head saying ’tell her! Just tell her!’ and her heart leapt with nervous excitement at the idea of just opening up to Yakumo Kyoko of all people. But she was on a random public road in Tokyo, ten minutes from a job where she was expected to be in top form. There was no way.
With a sigh she shook her head, biting her lip. “Hey, …hey!” Kyoko grabbed at her wrist, surprising her. Claudine ended up dropping the coffee, which by some miracle only dribbled sadly onto to the sidewalk, the lid staying mostly attached. “What are you doing?” asked Kyoko, nodding towards Claudine’s hands. She looked down at her wrists, realizing the hand that hadn’t been holding the coffee had been pinching at the other wrist rather firmly.
“Nothing,” she said defensively, knowing even as she said it Kyoko wasn’t going to buy it. Claudine felt like she was ten years old again, getting chastised at a show for popping some stitches in the clothes she was modeling, or scuffing the shoes she needed to wear on the runway. She picked the coffee cup up and tossed it in a trash can, continuing their walk.
Kyoko also seemed to notice their proximity to the Tokyo Tower, and raised a skeptical eyebrow at Claudine. “You and Shizuha both are going to give me a stress ulcer,” she said.
“What’s wrong with Shizuha?” asked Claudine. She hadn’t realized that Kyoko was Shizuha’s agent as well.
“It’s not for me to say. Do you want me to share your dirt with Akira or any of the Edels? I didn’t think so.” Kyoko shook her head, as if lamenting her state of affairs. “Honestly, Souda sends me all the toughest assignments.”
“Do you have a crush on Sensei or something?” asked Claudine. “You keep bringing her up.”
Claudine had mostly said this offhand to get the conversation away from herself, but had to laugh at the way Kyoko adamantly denied this accusation while blushing.
“Come on,” Claudine said. “Let’s go upstairs.”
“Oh, no, you’re not paying me to go to work with you,” Kyoko complained.
“I know you want to see,” baited Claudine. To be honest, she wasn’t sure if Kyoko wanted to meet Kaoruko, Hikari, Nana, or Maya, but she was fairly sure it was one of those four and she was fairly sure that was why Kyoko insisted they meet in person on this day in this place.
“I’ll accompany you for a moment because I’m afraid you’re completely hapless on your own,” Kyoko acquiesced with half a growl.
They entered the shopping-mall like area at the base of the Tower, and Claudine checked Mahiru’s email to find the rented room they were going to use on the second floor to get dressed. Kyoko received a few strange looks upon entering, but a quick “She’s my agent,” from Claudine allowed her entry into HANA’s inner workings.
Maya was already seated at a makeshift hair/makeup table, this season’s typical ‘natural’ looking makeup being applied, with an additional element of wind-blown wildness to the up-do of her hair. Quickly, Claudine was ushered into a chair beside her, with little time to see where Kyoko wandered off to. Her own face was done up in what she had taken to calling the ‘Mars’ style: light contouring, natural colored eyeshadow, light blush, brown eyeliner and lashes, and rounded brows. Her own hair was only taken into a half-bun, in a strange reversal from Maya’s and her usual styles. Just like Maya’s hair, hers was teased into oblivion until she felt like she had half a cloud around her, and a small pouf atop her head.
It was strange having all this prep done with Maya just a few feet away. Since the return from Seoul last week, things had been normal between them - eerily so. Claudine wanted to close the gaps between them, literally and figuratively, but she held herself back. For one thing, at this moment, they were at work, as coworkers, and to be anything but that was inappropriate.
But Claudine knew this was only a cursory excuse. They lived together, and nothing had changed at home since returning from Korea, as much as Claudine wanted to once again pull Maya close to her for a kiss, or sit beside her on the couch with their legs touching. Her chest burned with the desire to be closer to Maya, it felt physically painful. Sometimes, like when they sat inches apart on that porch balcony, she thought she might cry out.
Maya was nothing but patient while Claudine snapped at her in bad moods. Maya was competent, professional, a fast learner, and had great chemistry – everything Claudine could want in a partner for this contract, and she was more than that - she was someone Claudine had grown to have feelings for.
Claudine once again grabbed her wrist, now safely hidden under the cape the stylist was using to trim her bangs. Yes, it was true Maya was someone Claudine wanted to grow closer to - to be intimate with even - but the problem was with Claudine. Despite Claudine’s assurances to a drunk Maya in that hotel room in Korea, she knew that she herself was the problem, not Maya’s quest for the Top.
Maya’s hand on her shoulder startled her from her thoughts. “It’s time to get dressed,” she said. Without a word, Maya untied the hair-cutting cape, making Claudine feel frustrated with herself for making Maya have to take care of her all the time.
“Of course, let’s go,” she said, trying to take command like she always did. She rolled her eyes once she was a step ahead of Maya, annoyed at herself. How long until Maya was sick of her tactics? How long until Maya saw through the front she was putting on and realized Claudine was a sham, nothing but a burned-out child model?
They dressed in Hikari’s designs, gauzy dresses with embroidered leaves and small pearl beading in great detail. Maya’s was a cream color, Claudine’s closer to an earthy sepia tone. Maya’s was a shorter dress, falling a few inches above her knees in bunches of tulle, her long legs on display as she stepped into heeled suede boots. Claudine’s dress was long, falling nearly to her ankles and the sleeves were long as well, but it was thin: some skin-colored underwear and pasties and a few layers of organza and embroidery left her feeling rather exposed, despite having far more skin covered than Maya. She was given a pair of sandals with a low heel to match the dress.
“Let’s go, let’s go, we only have the stairs closed off for 90 minutes!” called Futaba, ushering them all out.
Claudine looked around, but Kyoko was gone. A staff member handed her a hot pack for her hands and threw a jacket around her shoulders, and they made their way onto the stairs of the Tokyo Tower.
Once outside, Claudine noticed it was a rather small group: Nana, a second photographer, Futaba, Kaoruko, Karen, Hikari, Mahiru, and, most surprisingly, Junna.
“Alright, Junna, this is your shoot, what are we doing on the side of the god-damn Tokyo Tower at near freezing temperatures in November?” asked Kaoruko. “Ugh, sorry, sorry,” she said, taking a deep breath and shaking her head. “Yakumo-han just put me in a rotten mood. Why did you bring her along, Kuro-han?”
Claudine wasn’t sure how to respond to this, so she gave a noncommittal shrug. Taking the hint, Junna cleared her throat and began. “So the concept for this [life on mars] shoot is to feature the juxtaposition of the airy, elemental designs with the bold colors and concrete structure of the Tower. It’s also a contrast between the modern, never-before-revealed design of Hikari’s dresses, and the familiar structure of the Tokyo Tower - something that everyone in Japan will be familiar with.”
“There will be two outfit changes in this shoot, which will also give us a chance to warm up between sets. We’re aiming for 15 to 20 minutes of shooting per outfit,” said Nana, about ten minutes together, and five minutes of solos. We have two photographers, so we can do the solos simultaneously on different sections of the stairs.”
With everyone briefed, the shoot began, but once the jacket was removed, Claudine realized how cold it truly was to stand on the Tokyo Tower in a sheer dress in mid-November, her feet in sandals. It was good that their hair was designed to look wind-blown, as it was currently being challenged by the rather substantial wind. Claudine didn’t have much time to think about feeling exposed, as all of her focus changed to feeling cold and getting these poses done so she could return indoors as soon as possible. She saw Nana crouching down to get ready to shoot, and Karen also held her smartphone up to capture some behind-the-scenes shots.
Futaba was assisting Nana with some equipment as Hikari and Kaoruko chatted behind her, pointing to various parts of the garments, but it was Junna front and center, directing the shoot. “Tendo-san, can you move up one stair? Yes, perfect, now Kuro-san, your left hand… yes, a little more…”
Claudine caught Maya’s eye, surprised that Junna was taking charge. Maya, who’s expression did not change to any of the onlookers, cast Claudine a near-imperceptible glance that showed that she, too, was confused about this change in style. Usually, Claudine and Maya were left to their own devices when it came to posing, and their natural style produced good results for the company promotions. And even when they were posed, it was never by Junna, who was more active before and after their shoots - planning concepts and designing the print layouts for the catalogues and the print ads.
Still, Nana did not stop Junna from directing them, so both Claudine and Maya felt that they couldn’t say anything either. It took longer than usual to get the first few poses going, and Junna seemed to be growing more frustrated with the time crunch. Claudine could feel Maya shivering behind her, and reached behind her to hold Maya’s freezing hand in her (marginally warmer) hand, a public gesture, but one that was easily dismissed as helping the shoot go more smoothly.
“Kuro-san, can you lean against this beam, matching the angle?” Junna asked. Claudine didn’t much care to lean against a freezing cold steel beam, but she nodded with a tight grin, tensing at the contact. Maya was to lean on the rail beside her, but facing the camera straight on, and the next set of shots took place. Claudine knew it had been well over their budgeted ten minutes, but Junna had only gotten through four shots.
Finally, it was Kaoruko who had enough. “I came to watch, Junna-han,” she said, “Since you really wanted to try this project. But we have a very limited time until these stairs open, and if you want the amount of photos you’ll need to make the print ads, you need to let the models breathe. You can’t control every movement. Just let the shoot happen, and give them some ideas and direction if it goes way off course.”
Junna looked tense during this chastisement, and at the end her hands were balled into fists at her sides, but she nodded obediently. “Of course, kaichou,” she said, not quite meeting Kaoruko’s eyes.
“Good. Now let’s get the rest done at double speed. I’ll be waiting inside with some tea.”
True to her word, Junna was quiet for the rest of the shoot, hovering over Nana’s shoulder near Futaba as Claudine and Maya posed, using their usual non-verbal cues to change position, with the occasional tip from Nana. All the while, Junna looked glum, but between the cold air, and her proximity to Maya, it was hard for Claudine to focus on that.
The other two outfits did not offer much more protection from the cold, though they did remind Claudine of why Hikari was a creative genius. After a brief respite inside, they again trekked onto the stairs to shoot the next set, this time even Mahiru and Karen opting to stay inside and get some work done, so their party decreased further.
Maya and Claudine naturally posed much faster than the first session, but Claudine kept having to remind herself to look forward, after being drawn to those eyes, the lips, the face that plagued her mind every waking moment…
She thought there was a nice shot of her a few steps down from Maya reaching up, Maya facing the other way but looking over her shoulder and reaching back, their arms entwined, but there was no time to monitor.
The last set went by in a blur, and suddenly she was back in the dressing room, changed back into her street clothes, a blanket around her, a hot pack under her feet, and a cup of tea in her hands. Someone was pulling the pins from her hair, but Claudine wasn’t paying much attention. It was like all of the energy was sapped from her once the work was done.
She realized Junna and Nana had left, seemingly disappearing immediately after the shoot ended. Kaoruko, Futaba, and Hikari were also packing up. She turned to Maya, who was furiously warming up her hands with a hot-pack. “I guess we should get going as well,” she said.
“Indeed. I don’t want to make Mahiru-san wait here on account of us,” said Maya.
Her voice was quiet, but Mahiru seemed to catch her name being said. “Please take your time!” she said. “I know you two must be freezing! It’s my job to make sure you’re in good condition, so please spend some time warming up before you go back outside. I am just working on my laptop here, so it doesn’t matter to me how long you need,” she said.
“Et toi, Karen?” asked Claudine, looking at the other girl tapping away on her tablet.
“I’m learning English!” she chirped, with a smile. Upon seeing Claudine and Maya’s confused faces, she backtracked a little. “Well, not really, but you have a lot of overseas fans, so I’m learning basic English, so I can communicate with them better.
“It’s not just us,” Claudine said. “You run HANA’s page. They’re fans of HANA.”
Karen furrowed her brow as if deciding whether or not to debate this, but ended up deciding on a confused nod. Claudine decided to drop it. “Drink your tea,” Claudine said, pushing the cup closer to Maya.
Maya gave Claudine a small smile at the gesture and took the cup, sipping as she scrolled through their schedule on her phone.
Claudine pulled out her phone as well, figuring she had better check if her mom had messaged her, only to find a notification from Yachiyo. “Ooh, the industry insiders’ Christmas party is December 14. Are you and Tendo-san going as a couple? (づ￣ ³￣)づ”
Claudine closed her phone without replying. “I’m ready to go whenever you are,” she said, knowing she was likely rushing Maya, but too on-edge to stay in this room any longer. Luckily, with the rather intense nature of that afternoon’s shoot, they had the rest of the day off. “Let’s go home so you can warm up, you ice cube.”
Kachidoki was not far from the Tokyo Tower by the bird’s wing, but the trip was somewhat of a hassle due to the way the trains were set up. By the time they got home, Claudine could see Maya shivering again, despite her wool peacoat. “Go take a shower before you get sick,” she said, for once not caring if she sounded like a nagging mother. She had never had to work on this contract with Maya out of commission, and she didn’t much want to start.
Maya nodded, for once not insisting Claudine go first or that she just wanted to take a short run first, and turned toward their bathroom. Claudine went into her bedroom, changing into sweatpants. It was early - before dinner even, but she felt like laying in bed for a bit. She kept her blinds open: the Tokyo Bay was an ever-present backdrop to her melancholy. The phone buzzed again, and lazily she pawed at it. One message from Yachiyo, and one from Kyoko.
She checked Kyoko’s first: “Short-term modeling pajamas for an American brand’s Japanese rollout? I have some of the Frontier girls on the contract as well.”
“Sure, email me the details,” Claudine replied. She checked Yachiyo’s message next.
“Don’t leave me on ‘read’! fr though, I haven’t heard from you since Seoul. You didn’t have to get involved with the Yumeoji sisters… I’ll try to see if I can handle that…”
Once again, Claudine left Yachiyo on ‘read’, turning off her screen and laying back on the bed. She had heard from her mother after returning from Seoul, and her father had been discharged back to home, but was still on oxygen, so she was still concerned. She needed to take that second job, and wanted to spend her short break over the holidays in Kanagawa.
Somehow, though it felt like no time passed, Maya was before her, changed into pajamas, and looking much warmer. “Saijou-san, if you’d like, you can use the shower now,” said Maya, somewhat tentative now.
Hearing her family name from Maya’s mouth was irritating. Watching Maya glance out the open window of her bedroom towards the bay was irritating. The bay was Claudine’s to stare at. But at the same time, Claudine couldn’t decide if she wanted Maya to stare only at her or to grant her the peace of looking away from her. She sighed. Why was everything always so vexing?
Claudine knew if she spoke she would say something harsh, so instead she reached out, grabbing the front of Maya’s sweater, pulling her closer. Maya acquiesced with surprisingly little resistance, coming to sit on the edge of the bed. “...Claudine?” Maya tried this time, her face now close enough to Claudine’s that Claudine could feel the warm breath of air that came with her name on the side of her cheek.
And that was all it took. All the restraint she had managed for a week was nothing when faced with her own name coming from Maya’s mouth in such close proximity, under the quickly darkening sky that Maya dreamed of ascending to, and before the Tokyo Bay that beckoned her with its quiet but pervasive hum.
Desperately, possessively, she pulled Maya closer, connecting their lips with a moan of wanting. Maya seemed surprised at the kiss, but recovered after only a moment. Perhaps, in her perspective, she was only surprised by the week delay - why had Claudine been holding back at all?
Unlike the last kiss, they were not about to go on the runway. They did not need to maintain their appearance, and they were not bound by the constraints of time. They laid back into Claudine’s bed, Claudine leaning over Maya. She could feel Maya’s breath once again - and the warmth was addicting. She closed the gap once more, feeling the curve of Maya’s lips, the feel of her tongue as it met Claudine’s. She felt Maya’s hands weave through her hair, and moved her hands from where they were propping herself up on the bed to Maya’s shoulders - anything to touch more of Maya in this moment.
A wave of emotion moved within her at the contact with Maya, the soft, but yearning connection at their lips, the unspoken truth that this was what they had wanted not just for the past week, but for far longer, and Claudine swallowed it down. Don’t ruin this by crying, she chastised herself.
Claudine exhaled, a little shakily, into the curve of Maya’s neck, kissing her there as well. She felt Maya’s hands - tentative, gentle - along her neck, along her shoulders, and she wanted more of the touch, she wanted to melt into everything that was Tendo Maya, but she knew she couldn’t go further. She knew she wasn’t ready to go further. She needed to come up for air. Being loved by Maya was like drowning in its own way.
Reluctantly, she broke apart, sitting up on the bed. She could feel the emotion in her throat, but swallowed it down. Maya propped herself up on her elbow, using her free hand to push her hair back, out of her face. The effect was so startlingly sexy that Claudine had to remind herself that it was time to stop.
“Are you ok?” Maya asked, with concern, not making an attempt to move closer.
It was then that Claudine realized that she hadn’t spoken during this whole encounter. The lump in her throat was dissolving for the moment, so she thought she could manage it now. She nodded. “I’m just… out of practice,” she said, smiling lightly. “I want to take things slowly, if that’s ok.”
Maya nodded, staring at her in a way that begged for more answers, more understanding, but Maya was never one to pry. Maya would wait patiently for Claudine to be ready to open up. “Of course. I- Honestly I’m just glad that what happened in Seoul wasn’t a dream,” she said, her voice perhaps more vulnerable than Claudine had ever heard it.
Claudine shook her head. “Not a dream.” She stood up. “I’m going to take a walk to clear my head, I’ll pick us up something to eat while I’m out.”
Maya seemed to think about offering to come with Claudine, but whether it was the implication that Claudine wanted to be alone, or the fact that Claudine had forced her to take the shower to get warm, she didn’t offer company. “Bring your cell phone,” was all she said.
Claudine got back into her hat and jacket, slipping on her boots. In truth, she wanted a shower, to order junk food, to sleep early. But the apartment had Maya, and Maya was dangerous at this moment, or rather, Claudine was feeling volatile in proximity to Maya. She considered just boarding a train to be back in Kanagawa by 8PM. But she knew she had work in the morning, and if she saw her parents’ faces, it might be difficult to turn back home.
Claudine took the elevator down to street level, walking out into the cool evening air. The sun was beginning to set now, the autumn season causing the night to fall earlier. She walked, almost without thinking, towards the bay, the water calling her as always. Walking among the seemingly endless streets of high rises wasn’t even an option - it was always going to be the shoreline.
She sighed, thinking again of Maya on her bed. She imagined Maya still laying on her bed, flipping through the nearly empty journal sent from her mother, opening her drawers. But Maya did not pry, Maya did not ask for more than what Claudine was willing to give.
A muted, choked sort of sob emerged from her mouth, and she quickly muffled it in the collar of her jacket. Biting her lip, she felt tears cloud her vision, but tried to blink them back. No, no, no, no, no! You were doing fine! It was so frustrating, endlessly irritating! She walked more quickly towards the water, unable to quell the wellspring of emotion she had managed to suppress in front of Maya. Luckily, it was that strange dead hour between work hours and nightlife, and very few pedestrians were about to witness her distress.
It was inevitable, she supposed. Since her abrupt departure from Tokyo at seventeen, there had been no one. No calls, no emails, no friends. There was a brief attempt at school that ended quickly in failure when she realized that social reintegration wouldn’t happen easily for someone who had a childhood like hers. From age 18 to 23, she had interacted primarily with her parents only. Dating had not been on her radar at all. In the depths of her melancholy - her days sitting on that one dock in Kanagawa for six and a half hours per day without doing much of anything - she would have thought herself unbefitting of being loved by anyone.
She had grown up, of course. She understood she had value: love to give and to receive. But the actual act of loving, and of loving Maya specifically was much more terrifying in actuality than it was in concept. She was afraid of so many things: her own vulnerability, of exposing how she’d been damaged in the past, of hurting Maya with her primary coping mechanism of lashing out. Maya was so comfortable, so right, that it was easy to relax around her, to want more and more, to want to fall deeper and deeper into their tryst.
Finally, Claudine turned onto the path that bordered the water. The sun was falling low on the horizon, but she turned east, so her shadow was cast long ahead of her. She took a few deep breaths, trying to sort her thoughts. She knew she should talk to Maya about this, that Maya would be willing to listen to her. But it was as though everything was built up so tightly inside of her that it was difficult to begin. Claudine felt as though her development was an asynchronous mess - first sped up too fast in her teenage years, filled with too much, too fast, and then slowed down to a near stop while she was in Kanagawa, enough to stunt her interactions. It was both a major part of the problem, and the reason she was having trouble explaining it. “Ugh, comme c'est énervant,” she mumbled, kicking a pebble.
She considered talking to Yachiyo for advice. Yachiyo was liable to get too involved, and telling Yachiyo meant Michiru finding out about her relationship with Maya, but she figured that was only a matter of time anyways. Yachiyo was mad she hadn’t been reaching out…
With cold, slightly shivering fingers, Claudine pulled her phone out of her pocket, surprised she already had a message from Yachiyo. Honestly, how many times does she intend to message me today?
‘Kuro, listen, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I know you’re still reading these. Akira was at an industry dinner just now and *Kirin* was there-’
Claudine missed the rest of the messages the phone fell from her hand. She wasn’t sure if was poor grip from the cold or from the shock of reading the name, but she guessed the latter from the rage that built in her chest upon reading that stupid nickname.
Suddenly, she was unable to stop the tears. These tears that had nothing to do with Maya and yet everything to do with the reason Claudine couldn’t properly kiss her. Upset with the message, upset with herself for crying in the middle of Kachidoki, upset about leaving Maya with dozens of questions, she impulsively brought the heel of her boot down on the phone, properly breaking it against the concrete path. With a small laugh, she stomped again, watching as the case, which was really only for decorative purposes, split in half and skittered across the path. She continued until the phone was properly destroyed and her breath was coming out in gasps.