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Claudine sat on a bench outside of the furthest batting cage in the Odaiba Sports Complex, watching Futaba hit ball after ball. Futaba was sweating with the effort, the sleeves of her shirt creasing around her torso as she twisted her body to build power, and were taut on her arms as her muscles flexed with the effort. Claudine snapped a couple pictures to send to Kaoruko.
Once the pitching machine stopped feeding Futaba balls, she came out of the enclosure, a childlike grin on her face. “That’s a good way to blow off steam,” she laughed. Claudine smiled back, hoping Futaba could detect it through the silly disguise she was wearing: her mask and hat combination. Lately, however, she had become less worried about being recognized in public. Perhaps it was the confidence boost from the trial, even though the sentencing hadn’t taken place yet. She wasn’t really scared of her “fans”, just one man in particular.
“You did great,” said Claudine. And it was true, Futaba had all sorts of hidden talents she was only learning about now that they were spending more time together. “Want to get something to eat?”
Once they settled down in a nearby tavern, Futaba seemed to have settled down from her high in the batter’s box and was more or less the same as she had been since the spring runway shows: anxious, less confident, almost apologetic. She checked her phone every few seconds and Claudine knew that it was worry that something had happened at work, or in the press, even though it was long past work hours.
“Want to get a beer?” Claudine offered, not really seeing alcohol as a solution for Futaba’s worries, but perhaps the beer would help her anxious fingers relax from her phone, at least.
But Futaba shook her head. “Gotta be able to drive later.”
And this is how it went with them, more or less. Weeks of spending time with Futaba was moments of carelessness and fun, followed by Futaba “remembering” her responsibilities and worrying that her moment of inattention to her work duties would lead to some type of disaster. All because of that stupid woman posing as Maya’s stylist.
At the end of the night, Claudine accepted Futaba’s offer to drive her home. But just as they crossed the bridge onto Kachidoki, she asked Futaba to pull over. She knew Futaba would oblige, thinking there was an emergency. Claudine could see the possibilities racing in Futaba’s mind, that she was ill, that she forgot something, that she needed to talk about her contract, about Kirin, and on and on. So instead, Claudine reached out and grabbed Futaba’s hand.
“Claudine?”
“I care about you a lot, Futaba.” Claudine could feel Futaba’s stress increasing, could feel her heart rate increasing and see her begin to sweat. “It hurts me to see you like this.”
“I’m fine, though.” Futaba laughed nervously, twisting her hand a bit as if to see how easy it would be to free it.
But Claudine held firmly. “You’re not. You’re stressed. You’re beating yourself up over something that wasn’t your fault. You think you’re doing better at your job with safety and security, but you’re so stressed and sleep deprived I can’t believe you’re actually focusing.”
“If you’re worried about your safety, I a-”
“I’m not, Futaba, I’m worried about you.”
Futaba did pull her hand free then, and put the car back into gear, driving the last few blocks to Claudine’s apartment in silence. Claudine got her things together and got out, but leaned back in before closing the door. “Thanks for the ride, Futaba. And remember. It wasn’t your fault.”
Claudine walked through the lobby and rode the elevator alone, grateful for the moment to collect her thoughts before facing Maya in the apartment. She understood Futaba’s concerns, certainly, in fact a few of them overlapped with hers, but she wished that Futaba could see that sometimes insane things just happened, and her obsessive preparation was only hurting herself.
In the apartment, Maya was sitting on the couch with her legs tucked under her, focused intently on a nature documentary as she ate from a single-serve ice cream. It was an incredibly cute scene, and one that Claudine wouldn’t mind coming home to every night.
Maya paused the show as she heard Claudine enter. “How was it with Futaba?” she asked.
“I think I upset her,” Claudine confessed.
“Give her some time.”
Claudine nodded, hoping this was true. “I’m going to shower.”
Usually showering helped clear Claudine’s mind, but tonight, it only seemed to make her thoughts more muddy. She hadn’t really talked with Maya about the incident with the stylist, mostly because the hearing and the international schedule followed right after, but also, secretly, it frightened her to bring up the topic. She feared that that night shook Maya’s faith in HANA, that Maya would blame the staff for not protecting her. Or that she would just want to get away from the company that linked her to that night.
By the time she got out of the shower, the mirror was completely fogged over, and it seemed her thoughts were actually focused: she was worried that Maya was going to leave HANA.
Almost furtively, she called Yachiyo when she got back to her room. “Hey! It’s been a while,” Yachiyo said, her voice mumbly in the way it always was when she was draping fabric and had stuck extra pins between her lips.
“Hey,” Claudine said, unsure where to start.
“Uh oh, you don’t sound good. What happened?”
“Nothing happened. I’m fine,” she said, feeling defensive in the way Futaba probably had an hour ago. “I was just… have you heard anything about Maya leaving HANA?”
“Why?”
“Because I want to know, that’s why.”
“You should just ask her, I’m sure she’d tell you.”
Claudine considered this, and realized it was probably true, but like most conversations with Maya, it was difficult. If she didn’t know where they stood now, it felt presumptuous to ask about their future. “I could do that, or you could just spill what you know…”
“A little bird told me Seiran offered her their top position.”
“No.”
“What do you mean, no?”
“I don’t believe you! Seiran?”
“Has Michiru ever been wrong?”
“True…” Still, Claudine had a hard time wrapping her head around this. Seiran was definitely lower ranking than HANA, but also it would allow Maya certain freedoms… and she wouldn’t have to share the spotlight… “What did she say?”
“I don’t think she’s answered yet.”
Claudine had too many thoughts to sort through, so she allowed Yachiyo to chat about this and that for some time. But she can feel herself growing tired, since she did not keep the same absurd sleep schedule as Yachiyo. “By the way, my little bird told me you were awfully close with Akira in Paris. Is that back on again?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Goodnight, Claudine.”
The next morning, Claudine woke to the smell of freshly brewed coffee, and followed the smell out to the kitchen to find Maya sipping from a mug and reading a scientific magazine. “Good morning, Claudine,” she greeted, pushing the magazine away. Claudine could see she was reading some article on an archeological dig, and was fascinated as always on the depths of Tendo Maya.
But still, the thought gave her some unease. Maya had a whole career before modeling, which she started on somewhat of a whim last year. Would she be returning to that life after this contract? “Good morning, Maya.” She returned the greeting a moment too late to be natural, and busied herself pouring her own coffee to hide her awkwardness. Then, steeling herself, she sat beside Maya at the kitchen island, and asked what she wanted to ask. “Yachiyo told me she heard you were offered a contract with Seiran?”
Maya had gone back to her reading, but now she turned to Claudine, facing her properly. “I have,” she confirmed. “But I’m not considering it.”
“Ah. But you haven’t turned them down yet?”
Maya shook her head. “There’s just a few more things I need to get sorted out first.”
And Claudine wanted to ask what those were, what Maya’s plans were, what they were, but the words were lodged in her throat. Maya had not asked Claudine her plans, and that was weighing on her, and that is when Claudine realized she hadn’t been offered a new contract from HANA. She can feel the creeping realization climb through her, the panic as her blood pressure begins to drop, the shame of her presumptuousness. She had been so focused on what Maya was doing with her next contract, she neglected her own.
Absentmindedly, she nodded in response to Maya, and took the coffee back to her room, dialing Kyoko as she walked. She closed the door behind her and sat on the floor leaning against her bed, knees to her chest, trying to remain calm. “Hello? Claudine?”
“Kyoko-san, yes, hello.”
“What’s going on? Has the appeal happened?”
“No, not yet. Tomorrow, I think.”
“That’s what I thought, glad I have the dates right. What’s up?”
“Have you gotten any word from HANA about a contract renewal?”
“Not yet, but it’s still early. I can reach out to Isurugi-san and see what they want to offer. Do you want anything in particular? A raise? Certain time off?”
“No, we can negotiate once I see the initial contract. Honestly, I am just concerned with whether they want me back at all.”
Kyoko laughed. “Claudine. You’ve made them rich. They want you back. They’d be stupid to give you up. I’ll call Isurugi. Don’t stress too much over this or the appeal.”
Claudine hung up, but found it hard to take Kyoko’s advice. The workday was a blur, mostly fittings and meetings preparing for the Hong Kong trip, her only respite a brief coffee date with Yachiyo in the afternoon.
Yachiyo brought Yumioji Fumi along, who looked far less attention-grabbing than when Claudine last saw her, simply wearing a gray blazer and matching pants over a green silk top, her hair in a low bun. Yachiyo, on the other hand, was radiant, wearing a long white coat over a form-fitting maxi skirt and heels. “What is all this?” Claudine asked, once they were seated in a back corner of the cafe. She gestured at Yachiyo’s outfit and perfectly styled hair and makeup.
“She’s been like this for a month,” Fumi said. “Ever since Fashion Week.” She wiggled her eyebrows, as if inviting Claudine to draw her own conclusions.
“So we’ll be seeing you on Akira’s arm at the end-of-year awards?” Claudine teased.
“That is none of your business,” Yachiyo said playfully. “Not if you’re not going to share any of your details.”
“There are none,” Claudine said, sipping her latte. “I asked Maya and she confirmed what you said. She got the contract offer, doesn’t want it, but didn’t turn it down. Why wouldn’t she just decline it?”
Fumi considered for a moment and then offered her thoughts. “Perhaps that contract is leverage for another contract? Or maybe she’s waiting to collect a few offers to have everything on the table at once?”
Both of these options seemed reasonable, but Claudine had no idea what Maya’s thought process was. She wished she had stayed and talked with Maya more that morning, but it really was important to figure her own contract out first. She talked a little longer and left with enough time to get back for their afternoon meeting.
By the time she left that meeting, Claudine had a missed call from her mother. She redialed almost immediately, concerned about an emergency. Her parents had been fine since they had returned home to Yokohama, but she knew things could change in an instant.
“Claudine! It’s so good to hear your voice!”
“Maman! Is everything alright?” Claudine walked to the far end of the hall, away from the staff dispersing from the meeting. She caught Maya’s eye who gave her a concerned glance, but she waved her off, knowing she’d see her again before they went home.
“Yes, we’re alright, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“What’s going on?”
“Well, your father has been doing a lot better lately, and the doctor actually just gave him clearance for air travel. We think we’re going to go to France, now, while he’s stable, since we don’t know when we’ll have a chance again.”
Logically, Claudine knew this made sense. Her father’s pulmonary condition made flying difficult, so it was definitely best to go when he had the doctor’s blessing. And she knew how much her mother missed her homeland after years of being in Japan. But secretly, selfishly, she didn’t want them to go. She liked the security of knowing she could get on a train and be back at their house in just a couple hours. She liked knowing her mom could comfort her if anything bad happened, if things didn’t work out. But she pried the words up from inside of her, hearing them as if they weren’t even said by her. “That’s great, Maman! I’m glad you will get to go on this trip, you both deserve it.”
“Thank you, honey! I think we’ll be a few months, we’ll have la mamie watch over the house just as she did when we were in Tokyo, and of course you can stay there whenever you’d like.”
“Thanks, Maman. I love you.”
“I love you too, Claudine. Are you well? Are you taking care of yourself?”
Claudine answered her mother’s questions and then they chatted about the things to do and see in France until it was time for Claudine’s next meeting. She stared out the window as they talked, wishing she could see the water from Ginza, but knowing it was impossible no matter what window and what angle she chose in this building.
At the end of the day, as she was walking out to catch the bus with Maya, Futaba ran to catch her, out of breath in the middle of the lobby. “Saijou-san, can I talk to you? Please?” she asked, and Claudine nodded at Maya to go ahead.
She followed Futaba back upstairs, not commenting on her reverting back to her surname, or her rather disheveled appearance, or the way they left their last one-on-one meeting in a bit of a disagreement, but she merely sat down across from Futaba in a small office, where she was presented with a contract.
“Futaba, what is this?”
“A renewal contract.”
“Futaba, what the hell?”
Futaba looked taken aback by this reply, and hesitantly pushed the small pile of papers towards Claudine. “If you take a look at it, you’ll see it’s quite generous-”
“No.” Claudine could feel her hands shaking, she could feel tears welling in her eyes, but she forced them back. Not now. “You want me to look at a renewal contact after hours and unaccompanied? Come on, Futaba, I knew you were having a hard time, but this is completely unprofessional. Would you treat Tendo Maya this way?”
Futaba brought her hand up to adjust her collar, before abruptly standing and bowing in apology. It was bizarre to see a friend bowing to her like this, and it reminded her of when she first met Futaba and Mahiru, and Mahiru kneeled in the playground dirt to apologize. “I’m sorry, Saijou-san, I will send the contract to your agent at start of business tomorrow morning.”
Claudine was a little annoyed at the implicit admission that Tendo Maya was not treated this way, that her contract was handled normally, in normal business hours, and through her agent. But she knew this was truly not a matter of Maya vs. Claudine, this was a matter of Futaba vs. herself. Her friend was tired and clearly not thinking straight.
“It’s fine, that will be fine. I accept your apology. Now sit down,” Claudine said, hoping Futaba would respond to a more commanding tone. She did, and they faced each other as peers once again. “I’ll look at the contract with Kyoko. But I need to think about it. Maybe I’ll go back to being retired. Maybe I’ll start a new career.”
Claudine was joking, mostly, just trying to provoke Futaba, but also testing the waters to see if this topic perhaps came up during Maya’s negotiations. “Claudine, you’re young, you’re incredible at this. You have so much left in you. You shouldn’t talk like that.”
Claudine wasn’t sure why it was this absolute honesty from Futaba that put her over the edge, but it was. She didn’t want to cry in front of Futaba, so she left, excusing herself quickly and running down the stairs instead of risking an elevator she might have to share. She could feel the tears stinging her eyes as she descended the escalator at the station on the outbound train, desperate to make it to the bay.
When she emerged she could smell the sea, and it called for her, and although night had fully descended now, she moved quickly towards the walking path along the harbor, itching to be close to the water. The urge to cry had passed now, quelled by the steady ride on the train, but she sat on a bench facing the water, imagining herself submerged within it, imagining herself weightless, or crushed by the weight of the entire ocean.
Her parents would be an entire ocean away. Maya might be with her next year or might not, but she remained incapable of finding out, incapable of moving forward even now, after so much progress. After the long walk back to the bus station, and the ride back home, and a dreamless sleep, Claudine got a call that Kirin’s appeal had been denied. His sentencing hearing was pending. She felt nothing.